A Fate Worse Than Death
by Dracoqueen22
Summary: Fearless Vincent Valentine is running... but from who? Set two years after the game it is a random story guaranteed to make you laugh. CidxVincent and mentions of other bizarre pairings. Warnings for language, randomness, MM, yaoi
1. A Fate Worse Than Death

**A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH**

**Chapter One: A Fate Worse than Death…**

Vincent Valentine was a man that was not afraid of anything. Ex-Turk and member of AVALANCHE, hero of the planet, he feared nothing. Standing at an imposing six feet plus, dressed in all black except for his red cloak and headband, with silky onyx hair and piercing crimson eyes against a back drop of ivory skin, he was a force to be reckoned with. When he pulled out any one of his deadly firearms, enemies were known to run in terror for his aim was deadly. As if the gun itself wasn't frightening enough, he also had a golden claw, seemingly razor sharp, which covered his left arm to just beyond his elbow. He had a commanding presence on the battlefield, and rightly so. Yet, despite the fact that he was afraid of NO man, he found himself running for dear life through the passageways of the airship Highwind from a most fearsome foe…

Yuffie Kisaragi.

He rounded a corner, skidding to a brief stop, looking frantically for a place to hide, his red cloak billowing all around him. For just a moment he hated the damn thing, its bright color was like a signal to everyone, telling them his location. His eyes quickly scanned from side to side. Anything would do, he was desperate.

"Vinnie? Why are you running? Vinnie?" He could hear Yuffie calling out for him, her voice getting closer and closer. God, how he hated that ridiculous nickname!

This particular hall had many doors on it; yet, he had no clue where any of them led, but at this point, it did not matter to him. He just needed to hide.

Moving as swiftly as he could he frantically rushed from door to door, trying to find one that was unlocked. On his fourth try, he found one knob that turned easily under his grip. Without a second thought, hearing another cry of "Vinnie" on the air, Vincent pushed open the door and shut it, locking it behind him. He held his breath, holding as still as possible, trying to keep quiet.

He leaned against the door and listened intently, one eye looking out through the tiny peephole. He heard her before he saw her, as she came rounding the same corner he had passed by just moments before.

"Vinnie? Don't think I won't find you," she called, a big smile on her face. Looking through the peephole distorted his vision, but he could still see the predatory gleam in her eye. He gulped soundlessly, uttering prayers in his mind to whatever would listen and make them come true. (_Please don't let her start knocking down doors.) _

But no, she just ran down the hall, not bothering to check any of the doors. Either she knew where they led, or thought that he would not be behind any of them.

Heaving a quiet sigh of relief, Vincent turned around and leaned exhaustively against the door, sliding down it until he sat on the ground, panting with the exertion of his mad dash for safety. Finally, he peaked around the room in which he had taken refuge.

It was someone's living quarters, and a quite large one at that. Vincent's own room was only half the size of this one. An enormous bed took up one wall, covered in a black and blue thick blanket that looked all too inviting. A simple but elegant desk sat in one corner, matched with a plain wooden desk chair. There was another door off to the side, obviously leading to a private bathroom.

Having never really explored the airship, Vincent had no clue where he was. During the fight against Sephiroth, when Cloud hadn't taken him with his group, Vincent spent most of his time either in his room or standing on the deck. He hadn't made it a habit to go wandering off into the confusing hallways and different living spaces. There were the captain's quarters somewhere, the crew's barracks, and even the guest rooms that the members of AVALANCHE had divided amongst themselves. There were no words to describe how happy Vincent was when he got his own room. He was shuddering to think he would have to share with Cait Sith or even the fire-wolf Nanaki. He enjoyed his privacy far too much. Still, he had no idea where he was.

Suddenly the door to the bathroom opened and Vincent got his answer. Cid Highwind stepped out, rubbing a towel through his shower soaked hair, his ever present cigarette already between his lips. He wore no shirt, only low slung pants, and no socks or shoes. A silver chain hung around his neck with a decoration that Vincent could not identify as it was concealed by the thick towel that Cid had wrapped around his shoulders and was still running over his hair. For a man of his age, Highwind was in surprisingly good shape. Yet, another reason Vincent found himself having an inexplicable infatuation with the pilot.

Cid stopped in surprise, nearly mid-step, when he realized that Vincent was sitting on the floor in front of his door, looking at him with something he didn't quite understand behind his crimson eyes.

"Vince?" he questioned. "What are you doing here?" His hands halted in mid rub, water trickling down his back.

"Hiding," Vincent answered simply, rising to his feet.

Quickly regaining his composure, Cid continued into his room, sitting on the corner of his bed to rub the rest of the water out of his hair. He gave Vincent a surprised look before a huge smile crept onto his face. "From who? Tifa trying to put your hair in braids again?"

Vincent snorted, crossing his arms. "No, this creature is far more terrifying… a fate worse than death." Cid was probably his closest friend on the ship, which really wasn't saying much.

Cid furrowed his brow in thought as he stopped, considering his hair sufficiently dry. He let the towel fall back across his shoulders as he started searching for a match for his cigarette. "Who?" he repeated.

Vincent opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by a series of vicious knocks on Cid's door, a yelling voice accompanying them.

"Cid! Ya old fart, ya in there? Cid!" It was Yuffie.

Eyes widening in terror, Vincent sprang away from the door, heading straight for the bathroom. Cid watched him in amusement as he dashed into the other room, and made to close the door.

"You haven't seen me," he hissed softly, popping his head back out, hoping that Yuffie could not hear him over her own yelling.

Cid could hardly contain the amusement on his face when he realized that it was Yuffie whom Vincent was hiding from.

"But you are standing right there in my bathroom," Cid pointed out. He could not help himself.

"Cid! If you don't open up, I'm breaking down the door, whether you are in there or not!" called out Yuffie threateningly.

"Come on, Cid," pleaded Vincent. "I've never asked for anything or won't ever again…"

Cid shook his head with suppressed laughter and waved his hand at Vincent, "Hurry up and shut the door," he ordered. Vincent gave him the slightest smile of gratitude before gently closing the bathroom door.

Stomping over to the door, Cid threw the bolt on the door and flung it open, Yuffie nearly falling in on top of him as she was leaning forward to bang on it some more for good measure.

"Whaddya want, brat?" he growled, giving her his best 'I'm the captain and I'm dangerous' glare. It didn't work.

"What took ya so long?" she complained, inviting herself in.

"I was in the shower," he responded, gesturing to the towel around his neck. He turned to face her as she had come into his room and started looking around.

"Oh," she responded, craning her neck to see all around the room, as if she were trying to find something.

"Was there a reason you came a pounding on my door acting like a damn idiot?" Cid asked tersely.

"Have you seen Vincent?" she questioned, using his true name for once and not that ridiculous nickname. She squinted her brown eyes at the pilot, as if checking him for lies.

Cid scratched his head and stared up at the ceiling, looking for all intents and purposes as if he was trying to recall quite hard. "Last I saw him was last night when Tifa was teasing the hell out of him," he answered with only the slightest of shrugs. "Why you looking for him anyway?"

"He ran out on me, the creep," she answered in her typical Yuffie fashion, balling up her fist and shaking it at an unknown perpetrator. She returned her attentions to Cid, narrowing her eyes suspiciously, "So you haven't seen him in the past ten minutes or so? I coulda swore he went down this way…"

"Shower remember? So no. Look somewhere else," Cid responded. He walked over to his door and opened it, gesturing towards the hallway with an open palm. "Scram, brat!"

Yuffie shrugged and started moving ever-so-slowly towards the door, literally dragging her feet as she walked. Cid stared at her impatiently, trying again to give her his infamous Highwind glare. It still had no effect. He was beginning to think the little ninja wasn't afraid of him at all.

Yuffie stopped in the doorway, just outside the frame, turning to give Cid one last questioning look. Her mouth opened, another series of reiterated questions threatening to spill out.

"Goodnight, Yuffie," Cid stated with finality as he slammed the door in her face. The distinct sound of a lock being thrown could be heard and Yuffie was officially out of his room. He watched through the peephole as she appeared to throw a silent fit before huffing angrily and heading off in the direction of the guest rooms.

He waited a minute or so more to be sure that she had gone before he sighed and turned back around.

"Okay, Vince, it's safe now," he called out, hoping the ex-Turk would overcome his fear and just come straight out.

The door opened just slightly and Cid had to bite back his laughter when he saw one lone crimson eye peering out carefully, making sure that the pilot had not lied to him. Apparently satisfied with his observation, Vincent opened the door completely and stepped out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

"Thanks, Cid," Vincent murmured with relief, plopping down in the desk chair. He heaved another sigh of relief before he began to fiddle with the clasps on his cloak. After having fought with Vincent in the 'Great Sephiroth Fiasco' (as Cid liked to refer to it as), the pilot had come to recognize this as a sign of agitation. "I will wait a minute or two more, and then I will be out of your way."

"Oh, no!" disagreed Cid. "You aren't going anywhere until you tell me why you were running in the first place." He strode over to the bed and sat on the edge. He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at him with his don't-make-me-hurt-you glare. It didn't appear to be working as Vincent just turned his head away and pretended to be staring at a very interesting water stain on the ceiling. Maybe he was losing his touch…

"It was nothing important," the gunman mumbled, in a voice barely loud enough to be heard.

"Is that so?" Cid spouted. He got up from the bed and went over to the door. "Then I will just call Yuffie back here. I am sure she is not too far away…" he trailed off, reaching for the knob.

"No!" yelled Vincent, jumping up from the chair and pushing Cid away from the door. He blocked it forcefully with his own body, putting himself directly in front of the handle. He held out his right hand to ward Cid away even as his metal claw hovered near the handle. He was prepared to fight for his life. "Sit down, HIghwind! I… I will tell you."

"Good," Cid affirmed, nodding his head. He reclaimed his comfortable seat on the bed and waited patiently for Vincent to begin. He had a feeling it was going to be quite amusing.

Feel free to leave a review. I accept all criticism or compliments.


	2. So Who Are You Interested In?

**Chapter 2: So, who _are _you interested in?**

Vincent walked away from the door and sank back into his chair, taking in a deep, calming breath. Letting it out slowly, he appeared to think hard, as if he were choosing his words carefully. "It all started when she asked me to help her with 'something'. She was rather vague about the 'something' at the time and I suppose I should have realized the situation wasn't sitting right. But what was I to think? I mean, it seemed logical at the time…"

"Vin-" cut in Cid impatiently. "Yer stalling."

Vincent looked up startled. "Yes, I suppose I am."

"Get on with the damn story then!"

"O… okay." Vincent sighed and closed his eyes, recalling the events of not so long ago, before opening his mouth to continue his tale. "Yuffie asked me to help her retrieve a box of decorations for Tifa and the party out of the cargo room. She claimed that she wasn't tall enough to reach them. I assented and went with her to the cargo bay. But when we got there, it was pretty obvious that she had alternate intentions. She pointed out some sad looking box on the top shelf of a rickety set of metal shelves. When I reached up for it, Yuffie tackled me. Caught unawares, I had a delayed reaction. If that wasn't enough, she tried to… to…" he trailed off then as if unable to continue.

Fighting to contain his grin because Cid knew where this was heading, he gestured that Vincent continue. "Well, what did she 'try' to do?"

"She… tried to kiss me!" Vincent exclaimed aghast. He got to his feet and started pacing the floor clearly agitated. "It was the most frightening thing in the world."

That did it. Cid could not contain his humor anymore. He burst into heavy gales of laughter, slapping his knee with the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

Vincent drew up short, glaring at him, crimson eyes flaring. "It is not funny, Highwind," he muttered.

Cid had to wipe tears of laughter from his eyes, struggling to catch a breath, "You act as if you've never kissed a girl before," he gasped through his loud laughter.

"I have so!" Vincent argued defensively, "I just don't want to kiss her!"

Cid tried to stop laughing, attempting to give him a serious look. "Do you even like women?"

Vincent sidestepped the question, countering with one of his own, "Would you kiss her?"

"Hell no! That little brat! Be like kissing my annoying younger cousin/sister or sumthin'!"

"I rest my case." Vincent frowned, stopping his pacing and staring at Cid, folding his arms over his chest.

"You still didn't answer my question."

Vincent ignored him and moved over to the door. He peered out the peephole, confirming that Yuffie was nowhere in sight. "It is safe to leave now. I think I will go lock myself in my room."

Cid growled, "Well, who _are _you interested in if not Yuffie?" He was getting irritated with Vincent avoiding answering any of his direct questions.

Vincent opened the door, pretending as if he hadn't heard Cid, barely sticking his head out enough to look up and down the hallway. No Yuffie. Heaving a sigh of relief, Vincent pulled the door open and prepared to leave, standing in the doorway, body angled slightly away from Cid.

"Don't you leave without answering my question, Valentine," the pilot insisted.

"Don't worry, Highwind, you will find out soon enough," answered Vincent, his face almost blank. He cast a look back at Cid before striding out the door, closing the door gently behind him.

Cid could only stare at the closed door, his mouth open in astonishment. He was rooted to his seat, surprised by the almost teasing look that he had caught in the ex-Turk's crimson eyes.

- - - -

Vincent walked swiftly to his room, biting his lip to suppress the urge to laugh. For a moment, he was not sure if he could find his way back. He had run so randomly that he did not know exactly which way to turn. However, following the age old trick of keeping to the right wall, he managed to find the main hallway.

He slowly made his way to his room, occasionally stopping to listen for sounds of Yuffie anywhere. He shuddered to think what would happen if she got her hands on him again. Not that he that he thought the little ninja was disgusting, he actually admired her steadfast tenacity in battle, but he just wasn't attracted to her in that way. Not to mention she was still a teenager (though technically legal now that a few years had passed since she was sixteen), and he, well technically he was pushing sixty though he looked no older than twenty-five. He knew that at her age in Wutai she would be looking for a suitable husband. Oh god, that scared him even more than the kiss. Be tied down for the girl for the rest of his miserable life? No thank you! He certainly had no desires for her whatsoever.

Now a surly pilot having just stepped out of a shower and still slightly damp, that was a different story. Vincent gave a little half-smile at the thought.

Rounding one last corner, Vincent finally found himself on the hall that housed the guest rooms. Fishing into his pockets for the small silver key to his door, he walked quickly to his room. He unlocked the door, depositing the key back in his pockets.

Inside his room was dark, just the way he liked it. He really did not need lights anyways, thanks to damn Hojo. He turned around and relocked the door, making sure to slide the deadbolt. He wanted to sleep peacefully tonight, without having to worry about getting molested whilst he dreamed. There was a predatory gleam in Yuffie's eyes that he just did not trust.

Moving easily through the room, avoiding the furniture with practiced ease, he made his way to the chair in his room, located on the opposite side of the room. He sat down and started to remove his boots, dropping them unceremoniously to the floor. He sighed when he thought back to the events of today. He couldn't run forever. Eventually he would have to set the little ninja straight. But talking to her before she jumped him and tried to kiss him again, he shuddered at the thought, would be a challenge in itself.

He got up from the chair and began making his way to the bed. Vincent began working at the clasps of the cloak around his shoulders, body already beginning to feel the exertion of today. He was tired.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, mind in another world as he absentmindedly worked to finish the last of the clasps. He reached up to move it off his shoulders, when a pair of arms appeared out of nowhere grabbing him from behind. His eyes widened in surprise even as his arms were pinned to his sides.

He heard a distinctly feminine chuckle. "I knew you would come back eventually, Vinnie," Yuffie's voice purred in his ear as he felt her body press against him.

He began to struggle violently, anything to get away from her. The sheer strength in her arms surprised him. She was stronger than any of them had given her credit for.

"Let me go, Yuffie," he said firmly.

"Oh, come on," she pleaded, harrumphing softly, "just one little kiss?" Her breath was on his ear, unnaturally close to him. He jumped at the feeling and leaned all his weight backwards on top of her, succeeding in breaking her hold.

"No!" he shouted, rising off the bed. He could feel her moving behind him even as he ran forwards. She blindly grabbed for him, managing to catch only the edges of his cloaks. This stopped his forward motion. Frantically, he reached up and unbuttoned the cloak.

With a set of twin oomphs! Vincent fell slightly forwards and Yuffie backwards onto the bed, still clutching the cloak tightly. He gave it up as a lost cause and scrambled to his feet, running for the door.

"Ah, Vinnie, come back. Don't you like me?" she whined. He heard the bed creak and knew that she trying to get off of it. She was still slightly entangled in the cloak and it hampered her movements. He had precious few seconds to flee for his life.

"Leave me alone!" he yelled exasperatedly. He hoped that she didn't try to tackle him or anything. He really did not want to hurt her and didn't want to be forced to either. What in the world had gotten into her?

He hurried unbolted the door and unlocked the handle. He dared a look over his shoulder as he twisted the knob violently. His eyes widened in horror when he saw that Yuffie had managed to free herself from the cloak and was starting to approach him, the look of a lion stalking prey in her eyes. He pulled the door open and dashed out, slamming it shut behind him hoping to stall her even further.

Vincent frantically searched for an escape. He just barely acknowledged that Cloud's room was diagonal to his across the hall. Knowing the time, he figured Cloud would still be up. The poor kid was a perpetual insomniac. He sprinted over to the door, pounding on it, shooting occasional glances over his shoulder. He briefly wondered why Yuffie hadn't caught up to him yet, when a distant recollection surfaced.

She had been naked! He could remember her skin feeling so bare now and how she felt pressed against him. Shuddering in disbelief, he pounded on Cloud's door again.

"What the hell?" growled Cloud as he pulled the door open rather quickly. His eyes widened in shock when he saw a harried Vincent push past him, coming into the room. Vincent moved Cloud away from the door with one hand as he shut the door with the other and threw the lock.

"Vincent! What the hell is going on?" demanded Cloud, crossing his arms in anger.

Vincent opened his mouth to speak but it was then that Yuffie chose to make her presence known. There was a continuous pounding on the door accompanied by a voice.

"Come on, Vinnie! There is no need to hide. I know you are in there," she called to him through the door.

Cloud moved towards the door as if to open it but Vincent grabbed him by the arm. "Are you insane?" Vincent demanded hoarsely.

Cloud shook his head, giving Vincent a confused look. Which wasn't hard, he usually looked confused. "You have some explaining to do."

Vincent shook his head, looking at the door again. The pounding did not cease.

"Cloud! If you don't open this door I am just going to open it for you!" called Yuffie through the door.

Damn! What the hell had gotten into her? This was so unnatural that it was even scarier than Vincent had originally thought. Every bone and muscle in his body strained for him to run. He looked for another exit in the room, Cloud trailing his steps, asking him what was going on. He ignored the spiky headed blonde when his eyes settled on the half open window.

He could do it. The Highwind was more or less parked right now. If he fell there would not be too much damage. There was a small ledge about one foot wide that ran around the outside of the windows. He had enough balance and certainly enough stealth. If he made it to another window and another room, he could run and hide until Yuffie came to her senses.

The pounding on the door abruptly ceased and a small scratching could be heard. Vincent recognized the sounds for what they were, someone picking at the lock. He had no other choice. He ran for the window, hopping up onto the sill before stepping out onto the ledge. He moved as quickly as he could, back against the side of the Highwind. The wind from the plane's slight movement threatened to tear him away but he used his claw to grip tight. He moved to the left, knowing that his room was to the right. She would look there for certain.

He heard the door to Cloud's room burst open and Yuffie's cheerful voice, still managing to sound not deranged, "Okay, where is he?"

"Where is who?" asked Cloud. Vincent guessed that he probably scratched his head in confusion. Sad thing was… most of it wasn't an act. Shaking his head in disgust, Vincent put up speed, not sure which was worse, getting caught by Yuffie in her crazed state, or slipping and falling to a fate that was sure to cause him intense discomfort for a while.

Thinking of the feel of her body pressed up against his, Vincent knew his answer. He would take his chances with the fall.

He vaguely listened as he heard Yuffie storm around Cloud's room, peering into every hiding place. Finally, he made it to the next window. He uttered a small prayer to whatever it was one prayed to when he found that it was open albeit only a little. He bent down as far as he could without falling off and used his claw to push it open all of the way.

Vincent climbed inside and felt more than happy to have his feet on solid ground. He briefly heard Yuffie declare that Cloud wasn't hiding anything and storm out of his room. He heaved a sigh of relief as he quietly returned the window pane to its original position. He turned around and looked at his surroundings.

He was in a bathroom and a nice one at that. But there was something about this bathroom that seemed familiar. That was impossible though. He had to walk a long ways to get back to his room from earlier. There was no way that this was…

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! He recognized the sound of that now familiar pounding on the door. Not of the bathroom he was in, but of the bedroom adjoined to it. He froze listening intently. No one knew he was in the bathroom and judging from the lack of light from the outer room the occupant was asleep. He moved swiftly to stand behind the door just in case.

He heard gruff cursing as a bed creaked. Then the sound of feet padding across the floor. A light was turned on, flooding the outer room with light. A section of light shone into the bathroom, illuminating some of the tiles and the sink. Vincent swallowed down his nerves. In fact, this looked exactly like…

"Why the hell did you wake me up, brat?" demanded the occupant of the room. Vincent recognized the gruff voice that could only belong to Cid. So he _was_ in Cid's room. Now he was even more confused.

"Have you seen Vincent?" she questioned nonplussed by his rudeness.

"No, for the final time! Now get the hell out of my doorway so I can go back to sleep!" Vincent heard Cid start to close the door, evident by the creaking of the hinges. Yuffie protested as she was pushed outside.

The door to the outside slammed shut and Vincent heard several muttered curses as the sound of several locks being thrown could be heard.

"Damn child just won't let things be…" Cid muttered. Vincent could hear him shuffle away from the door then the lights went out. The bed creaked and Vincent could only assume that Cid had climbed back into it.

He heaved a small sigh of relief. Now, all he had to do was wait until Cid fell back asleep and… oh, no.

The bed squeaked again as he heard a loud disgruntled sigh. The sound of feet walking across the floor could be heard again. "Every time…every damn time. I just get comfortable and I have to take a piss!" cursed the unhappy pilot.

Damn! What was Cid going to say when he found Vincent in his room _again? _Especially with the parting words of last time?

- - - -

Okay, I know you are wondering how come Cid and Vincent's rooms ended up being so close together. Well, it will all be explained next chapter.

Till then… oh and review please. I just love to read them.


	3. Hiccup

OOCness abounds and wahoo! a lemon!... or is it? All disclaimers and warnings apply. Enjoy!

Oh, and review please, they are always most appreciated.

**Chapter 3: hiccup**

Vincent stood behind the door, eyes widening when he realized that Cid was getting ready to come into the bathroom. He made to move from behind the door when it was suddenly and violently shoved backwards, knocking him in the head. Apparently he had misjudged how far the bed was from the bathroom. He let out a low cry of pain and grabbed his head.

"What the-? Vin?" Cid questioned startled as he flipped on the bathroom light and peered around. "How the hell did you get in here?"

"Uhn… window…" Vincent answered, groaning as he held his head. He almost swore that he had seen stars when the door slammed into him. He opened his eyes and glanced at Cid, seeing two of him. As if one wasn't enough to handle… sheesh…

"Damn ninja was here looking for you again!" Cid huffed angrily. He reached to light a cigarette and swore again when he realized he did not have one.

Vincent groaned and blinked at him rapidly, trying to clear his vision. "I did not know this was your room. I just… ran."

"Ya know, Vince, ya can't run from the damn brat forever." Cid sighed, reaching out and grabbing the slightly delusional man by the arm. He pulled Vincent out of his bathroom and made him sit on the bed so he could take a piss as originally planned. Not that it stopped him from talking.

"Yer gonna have to tell her that you ain't got no interest in her ass, ya know?"

Vincent rolled his eyes and fell back onto the bed, delighting in the comfort it offered. He was so tired. He tried to ignore Cid's lecture and go to sleep. At least here he wouldn't worry about being molested as he slept… not unless he himself was the one doing it.

"She can't be all that strong. Stop running and fight her damn ass. You're a six foot tall vampire wannabe with a demon livin' in ya! Just kick her ass or sumthin'!" Cid stated incredulously.

He came out of the bathroom and headed immediately for the table near his bed, rifling in the small drawer for a pack of cigs and a lighter. He found both and lit up all too happily. He sat down on the bed and took a much needed drag.

"Sit up lazy ass, ye ain't sleeping here!" Cid yelled.

Vincent groaned but did not move. His hand came up and he held it out to Cid. "Let me have a drag."

"You don't smoke, Vince."

"I did, a long time ago, when I was a Turk. But right now, I could really use one."

"I will if you tell me what caused you to run this time."

"It will give you nightmares for a week, Highwind, or longer if I'm lucky."

Cid muttered something under his breath before he spoke again. "Just tell me dammit! Don't think I won't go find, Yuffie. This day jes keeps getting more and more interesting."

Vincent sighed and sat up. "Fine. If you insist."

"Wait, where is your cloak, and your boots? And that damned headband you always wear wrapped around your head?" Cid asked, suddenly noticing the absence of those always present articles of clothing.

Vincent glared at him, a small shudder running through his body. "If you will let me tell you, you will find out!"

Cid waved a hand at him, taking another drag of his cigarette.

Vincent took a deep breath. "When I got back to my room, she was waiting for me. I had already taken off my boots on my own, but when I sat on my bed, that was when I noticed her. After she had already pressed her naked body to mine." Cid nearly choked at his words. Naked? Yuffie? Oh, god the images! He motioned for Vincent to continue but stared off scared into space.

"In my struggle to escape, she got to keep the cloak and the headband. The scrawny teen is stronger than she looks. I ran out the room, dashed into Cloud's and crawled out the window. I climbed into the next window I found and ended up here."

Cid wordlessly reached for the pack of cigarettes he had stashed back in the drawer and handed one to Vincent. He even went so far as to light up the thing for him. The two men sat and smoked their cigarettes in silence for a moment, minds replaying the images, real and imagined, that Vincent's tale relayed.

"Don't know what the hell has gotten into her all of a sudden…" remarked Vincent quietly. He shuddered and sought to erase the images from his mind.

Cid was quiet for a moment longer, before finishing the last of his smoke and crushing the butt against the table, effectively putting it out. "You can stay here tonight, Vince, but tomorrow you are going to corner that crazy ninja and put her in her place."

Vincent stared thoughtfully at Cid, and then nodded in assent. He finished his cigarette and climbed into the far side of the bed. He lay there stiffly, staring off into the dark. He felt the bed shift as Cid lay down as well, on the other side.

The bed was quite comfortable, probably more so than his own. Vincent closed his eyes tiredly and tried to go to sleep. Oh god, and that damned party was tomorrow too…

Cid awoke and found that he was sleeping in his big bed alone, again. Vincent must have slipped out early that morning. Man was as quiet as a shadow when he wanted to be. He was always an early riser as much as Cid himself was a late sleeper.

He wondered on the statement that the gunman had made the night before. He had claimed that Cid would find out soon enough. He always had to be mysterious, deliberately not answering anything, though he was quite talkative last night. He was damn near friendly and that thought almost scared him more than Yuffie acting all sex crazed.

When had everyone started going nuts! Fuck, he needed a cigarette. Dragging himself out of bed, Cid glared blearily at the clock then blinked surprised. For a moment there he thought it said three in the afternoon.

Rubbing his wrists over his eyes, Cid looked again. Damn, it really was three. Tifa's damn party would be starting in a couple of hours, and he still had tons of work to do. Never was he one to turn down free food and booze.

Cid rifled a cigarette out of the drawer next to his bed even as he scratched his stomach heading for the bathroom to take a much needed shower. He wondered briefly if Vincent had used his shower that morning. Suddenly, images came to his mind unbidden, of the beautiful raven-haired man naked, water coursing over his pale skin.

Whoa buddy! Beautiful? Naked? Vince? He felt his cock jump in response to the thoughts. When had he started thinking of the crazy quiet man in that way?

Shaking his head in disgust to himself, Cid tried to banish the erotic thoughts from his mind as he climbed into the shower, turning it more to the cold side than to the hot. But the images would not fade and he found himself grower harder as he imagined joining Vincent in the shower and running his tongue up his chest, catching the water. He imagined it would taste sweet and spicy, like the strange cologne that Vincent wore. He hadn't even noticed it before until last night… when the two had shared a bed.

Groaning at his predicament as he now looked down at a full erection, Cid wondered when exactly his imaginings had turned on him. Granted he had always felt a certain friendly affection for the dark-haired gunman. Why then was he so eager to have the man squirming beneath him, making soft little moans of encouragement?

Cid cracked a smile, just a small one, as he wondered, how much it would take to make the silent man scream his name? Now that would be a quest worth partaking. Soaping himself, Cid began to whistle a happy tune as he plotted his seduction of his crimson-eyed friend.

Tifa's party went off without a hitch. She was real proud of her efforts. The decorations were tasteful and celebratory, the food was well planned and absolutely yummy, and the alcohol flowed freely enough for everyone to enjoy. It was her idea for this get together. After the battle with Sephiroth two years previous, everyone had just kind of drifted off in their own directions. Fearing that she would never see her friends again, she called up everyone on their PHS and planned the party. Even Reeve came, in person, rather than piloting Cait Sith. He was quite a handsome man, she noticed.

Tifa looked around the room, noticing that everyone seemed to be having a good time. Cloud and Barrett were laughing over some obscure memory near the small stereo system she had set up. They had a beer in each hand and were downing them rather quickly.

Reeve was sitting by his lonesome, half-drunk already, rocking to the beat in the song, but she would fix that soon enough. He was dressed rather handsomely in a pair of black dress pants and a red dress shirt, making his honey brown eyes literally shine. Nanaki was watching him, laughing occasionally when he made some odd move. Yuffie hadn't come yet, she was probably still sleeping and had forgotten about the time, no surprise there.

Cid was standing next to the food table, as close to both food and alcohol as he could get. She was even surprised to find that Vincent, normally the loner and quiet one, seemed to be enjoying himself. Of course, that might have had something to do with the liquor that she occasionally saw Cid surreptitiously slipping into his drink.

She giggled, thinking that maybe her plan had worked. The brown-haired lass thought back to her actions of yesterday, remarking on how they had gone off without a hitch.

Tifa was in her matchmaking mode yet again, determined to help Yuffie find a husband and bring Vincent out of his quiet shell. Like others, she thought all he needed was a good night in the sack. So she concocted the perfect plan. Asking the high-spirited girl to help her, Tifa spiked the girl's drink with a sex potion triggered by the color red. She then made it so Vincent was the next in sight and voila! Yuffie goes chasing after Vincent. Tifa giggled. She figured eventually the ninja would catch him and have her way and then everyone would be happy. The potion would probably wear off within the next twenty-four hours or maybe less, she wasn't sure, but either way… her plan was flawless.

Picking up her drink, Tifa strode over to Cloud and Barret, joining in their conversation easily as she kept an eye out for Yuffie. The girl would show up sooner or later, after all, the party had only started an hour ago. But for now, it was time for her to enjoy her own party… and see what she could scrounge up for Reeve. Giggling despite herself, Tifa tried to pay attention to Cloud's narration.

"Have a drink, Vince," said Cid, striding up to the crimson-eyed man and holding out a plastic cup filled with the orange punch.

Vincent narrowed his eyes at the cup and glared at Cid all in the same movement. "I do not wish to consume alcohol tonight."

"It's just the punch, something Tifa made for Yuffie and Nanaki," Cid insisted, pushing the cup towards him once again.

"If it will make you happy," Vincent answered, as he took the cup from Cid. He crossed his arms as he leaned further against the wall, eyes scanning the room again for Yuffie. The little ninja had yet to show up and that much Vincent was grateful for. He hoped that being around everyone she wouldn't make a scene and he wouldn't have to run. He would hate to look like an idiot…

"You are supposed to be having fun, too."

"I do not have fun."

"Then why'd you bother coming?"

Vincent opened his mouth to speak, and then abruptly closed it again. He did not have an answer that would not reveal his secret. He wasn't sure if he was ready to reveal that quite yet.

"That's what I thought," Cid commented before he grabbed Vincent and pulled him by the arm towards the table that was laden with food and drink. He pushed him towards it and gestured at all the goodies. "Eat, drink, do something!" he ordered.

Shrugging his shoulders, Vincent selected a single chocolate cookie even as he took a sip of the punch that Cid had given him. "Happy?" he asked, one eyebrow crooked.

"Sure," answered Cid, emitting a small smile as he drank some of his beer. It was a smile that Vincent did not see. Little did the gunman know but Cid had already spiked Vincent's drink, and had planned on doing it as much as possible the rest of the night.

"Tastes kind of bitter," commented Vincent after sipping from the cup.

Cid waved his hand in dismissal. "It's the pineapple. Makes it kinda tangy."

Shrugging, Vincent drank more of the strange concoction, suddenly finding himself very thirsty.

Cid tried to keep up a conversation, occasionally slipping in sexual hints when he could, as he continuously refilled Vincent's cup and his own.

Thirty minutes later, Vincent was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol, and was confused because he knew he hadn't had any. But he knew where to point the finger.

"Cid, this isn't tangy because of alcohol, is it?" he questioned, with a raised eyebrow. He noticed that his voice was slurring just a little.

"Aw, don't be mad, Vince, you just need to lighten up."

Vincent narrowed his eyes, preparing to rebuke the pilot, when the door to the common room opened and the object of his fear came strolling in. Yuffie wore a large grin on her face as she greeted everyone.

His flee instinct wanted to kick in though he felt rooted to the spot. Damn alcohol made his thought processes slower. Her gaze fell on the gunman and instantly her brown eyes lit up.

"Oh, god, Cid, help," breathed Vincent softly, keeping an eye on Yuffie. He felt cornered as he slugged down his punch and felt around behind him for something much stronger.

Cid saw his distress and quickly slipped him the shot of scotch he had already poured himself. "Now's the time, Vince, tell her who's the boss."

Vincent took the scotch and quickly tossed it back, gesturing for Cid to keep them coming. Cid was more than happy to oblige.

The gunman watched Yuffie carefully, crimson eyes wide. She made her way to Tifa, saying something first before she left, making sure to speak to everyone first. For a moment, Vincent entertained the belief that Yuffie had finally come to her senses and was going to leave him alone.

Three shots of scotch later, Vincent knew that he was wrong as the little ninja made her way to where Cid and he were standing, that predatory look back in her eyes.

"Heya, Cid, Vinny, how's it going?" she asked as she jauntily reached around them for a cup of punch and a few cookies. Vincent watched where her hands went carefully, eyeing her every move.

"The party's great," Cid answered. "You finally made it, I see."

"I had a long night," she shrugged. "Needed to sleep in. So Vince, where'd you go last night?" She sidled up close to him, not exactly touching but looking as if she might.

Vincent opened his mouth to speak but Cid beat him to it.

"He was with me, of course," the pilot answered broadly, smile bright on his face.

Yuffie narrowed her eyes. "Is that so?"

"Listen, Yuffie, I need to tell you something," cut in Vincent, eager to dispel the angry look that was taking over her genial features.

Instantly her growl was replaced by a smile, she threaded one arm through his and looked up at him expectantly. "What is it, Vinny-poo?"

He grimaced at the sound of her calling him that as he looked down at her. There was a look of rapt adoration on her face. He could see Cid moving around next to him out of the corner of his eye. Hurriedly downing what had to be his seventh shot of scotch in the past twenty minutes, Vincent cleared his throat.

"I am sorry but I am not attracted to you in any way shape or form other than as a sister and friend," he stated as simply and slowly as he could so that she would understand what he said. Carefully, he removed his arm from her grasp and took a small step away, hoping that she would get the picture.

She looked up at him, a blank expression on her face. She blinked once then twice, not responding at all. Vincent saw Cid move closer to him, standing at his right arm as the two men held their breaths waiting for her reaction.

She stared at them again, blinked, and then a big smile broke out on her face. She launched herself at Vincent, wrapping her arms around his neck. He oomphed and was forced off balance nearly falling over as she exclaimed, "Don't lie to me Vinny! I know how you really feel!"

"Yuffie, get off me!" he demanded trying to disentangle her limbs from his own as he fought to maintain his balance. "I don't want you."

"Why are you lying to yourself, Vinny?" whined the little ninja.

By now, every attendee at the party had turned their eyes to the comical sight before them. Yuffie was attached to Vincent at the neck, trying to kiss him as he moved his face far away from her. Cid had a hold of Yuffie, attempting to pull her off of the scared gunman.

With a great heave, Vincent grabbed onto the ninja's arms and pulled them off. She fell backwards, crashing on top of Cid who had been pulling her. They collapsed into a jumbled heap. Vincent took several steps back, swaying lightly on his feet, finally feeling the effects of the scotch. He was breathing heavily with the exertion.

"Get off me, dammit!" Cid cursed, pushing the ninja off of him as he sprang to his feet.

"Stay… stay away from me, Yuffie. I don't wanna hafta… hafta hurt y… you," Vincent stated, stuttering. It seemed like his tongue felt so heavy and thick. Cid moved to stand beside him, blue eyes concerned.

"But, Vinny-poo…" Yuffie frowned as she got to her feet, advancing towards the frightened inebriated gunman and the enraged pilot. It seemed being thrown on the floor hadn't stopped her any.

"No…" said Vincent slowly, before he gripped his head with his right hand, swaying unsteadily on his feet. It seemed like the ground wanted to say hello… before he felt a pair of strong arms grab him around the middle. It was Cid.

"Whoa there… had a bit too much to drink, didn't ya?" asked Cid, looking at Vincent worriedly.

For a moment it seemed as if time had stopped as crimson eyes met sky blue ones, faces hovered so close to one another. Vincent blinked slowly, looking at Cid. He could smell the alcohol on the pilot's breath and the pout of his lips looked so enticing. He forgot about Yuffie… he forgot about the people around him… he wanted to kiss him but something held him back… what was it…

Cid was no less affected. Without thought, without provocation, ignoring everything around him, he followed his instincts.

Eyes closed as lips locked, and Vincent melted into Cid's arms, relishing in the feel of Cid's lips on his own. The pilot tasted like alcohol and chocolate and cigarettes and a taste that was quintessentially all Cid, a taste that was indescribable.

The gunman moaned slightly and parted his lips, inviting the pilot inside. Cid was more than happy to oblige. They probed into each other's wet caverns, tongues warring to get the most of it, tasting, testing, feeling.

Finally, the two men broke apart, gasping for breath, the need for air having been the factor that separated them.

There were startled looks of amusement and amazement on the faces of the friends gathered around the party. And Yuffie, she looked absolutely crestfallen, as if someone had just broken her heart all to pieces, the result of her love affections being dispelled.

Cid spoke softly, ignoring the looks around him, "Oh shit, Vince, I been wantin' ta do that for a long time."

Vincent smiled softly at the pilot who held him and opened his mouth to speak. "…hiccup…" His crimson eyes rolled up into the back of his head as the gunman passed out, becoming dead weight in the pilot's arms. Apparently, he had had too much to drink…

Semi, cliffy but not really. Just thought it was a good place to end it.

Please Review, I absolutely love to get any type of comment, even it it's to tell me that grammar sucks, since I tend to get too eager and post my chapters before my beta (thanks Azar!) sends 'em back to me.


	4. I Only Want to Play

**Chapter 4: I only want to play…**

Cid stumbled along the empty corridor, still half inebriated himself. In his arms he carried a very unconscious but still very beautiful dark-haired gunman.

"Damn, Vince, for all your thinness you sure are a heavy motherfucker," the pilot grunted as he hefted him up again.

The drunken gunman did not answer. He had passed out from one too many shots of scotch, an attempt to put up with the presence of one Yuffie Kisaragi. Cid grimaced; he wasn't sure if there was enough alcohol in the world for that…

He was never happier to see his room than tonight. Vincent was getting heavier and heavier. He had promised Tifa he would watch over the ex-Turk and had so thoughtfully brought the unconscious man to his own rather spacious quarters. He tried to balance Vincent on his own two feet, but hearing a mumbled groan and a few other unintelligible words come forth from the gunman's mouth as he weaved forward and back, Cid ended up just throwing him over one shoulder.

On any other day, he would have laughed at the events up to this moment. But for right now… his bed was calling him.

As he unlocked the door to his room, recent events had caused him to change his routine of leaving it open, and wandered inside. His mind recalled what had just transpired not but ten minutes ago.

Flashback

Eyes closed as lips locked, and Vincent melted into the blond's arms, relishing in the feel of Cid's lips on his own. The pilot tasted like alcohol, and chocolate and cigarettes, and a taste that was quintessentially all Cid, a taste that was indescribable.

The gunman moaned slightly and parted his lips, inviting the pilot inside. Cid was more than happy to oblige. They probed into each other's wet caverns, tongues warring to get the most of it, tasting, testing, feeling.

Finally, the two men broke apart, gasping for breath, the need for air having been the factor that separated them. There were startled looks of amusement and amazement on the faces of the friends gathered around the party. And Yuffie… she looked absolutely crestfallen, as if someone had just broken her heart all to pieces, the result of her love affections being dispelled.

Cid spoke softly, ignoring the looks around him, "Oh shit, Vince, I been wantin' ta do that for a long time."

Vincent smiled softly at the pilot who held him and opened his mouth to speak.

Instead, he hiccupped… and passed out, becoming dead weight in the pilot's arms. Apparently, he had had too much to drink…

Cid scrambled to get a hold of the unconscious gunman, opting to just pick him up rather than let him fall. As he held Vincent, he looked around the room to a sea of startled and surprised faces, one of them even looked as if it may cry… Yuffie.

"So… that is why he ran away…" she said softly, eyes and face screwing up into a tearful expression.

"Ah, come on, Yuffie," consoled Cid, scared that he might actually see tears. He absolutely hated to see women cry… it turned him to jelly inside. "He tried ta tell ya…"

She pinched her face even more together, eyes glassing over. Cid held his breath, any moment the tears would flow.

"Now…" she began slowly, seemingly looking for words that she could not find, "But now, I can move on…" she continued, voice taking on the sound of someone who has figured something out. She leapt up in the air, shouting for joy as her tearful expression turned to one of happiness.

It was frightening for all those present.

"And I know just where to look, too," she added mischievously, turning around and placing her gaze directly on one Cloud Strife who was standing next to Barret.

Her eyes flashed with a predatory gleam as she began walking slowly towards him. Cloud recognized the look as the one she had on her face when Vincent stormed into his room all in a fright. His eyes widened and instantly began to know fear…. fear more powerful than when Tifa was trying to coax him into her room, wearing nothing more than a sheer robe.

"Um… Yuffie… flattered really… you're a great fighter and all but…" Cloud stuttered looking around wildly for an escape. What to do…. what to do….

He saw it.

She was getting closer.

"Cloudy, so how's the party?" the ninja chimed in a sing song voice.

It was a last resort… but by god he was going to take it.

"Um… really… but… you see…" he stuttered some more, inching uncomfortably close to Barret. Yuffie sidled up right in front of them and moved her face dangerously close.

"You look pretty good tonight," she responded, as if she took no notice of his words.

"I'm with Barret!" Cloud blurted out, threading an arm through that of Barret's. It was an outright lie and he knew it but he hoped the ninja would believe him.

She blinked once, twice, and drew back only slightly. She didn't seem to be understanding it…

Cloud's eyes widened in fear. He looked for something to distract her, "But Reeve is single," he added, throwing in a famous Cloud charming smile. He reached forward and pushed her in the direction of the slightly intoxicated man.

The moment she saw the bright red of Reeve's shirt, Yuffie was hooked. Almost as if she had no control of herself, Yuffie began making a beeline straight for the ex-executive.

Cloud breathed a sigh of relief. He looked up towards Barret who had a weird expression on his face. "Thanks, that was a close one," he mumbled, slowly disentangling his rather skinny arm from Barret's beefy one.

There was a starry-eyed expression on the man's mustached face that unnerved Cloud. He took a step backwards, and spoke tentatively, "Uh, Barret?"

"Ya really, want ta be with me, Cloud?" asked Barret, a goofy grin beginning to spread over his features.

For the second time that night, Cloud's eyes widened in fear and he looked around wildly for an escape, "Ya know… I think I hear Tifa calling me!" he blurted out before he took off, not wanting to stick around and see what else Barret wanted to say.

Had the world gone mad!

"Poor Vince, I don't think he will be partying anymore tonight," Tifa clucked in her best mother hen voice. But her eyes were on free falling raven tresses.

"I will just take him to his room so he can sleep it off," Cid responded gruffly, heaving the unconscious gunman up in his arms more comfortably.

"Oh God!" Reeve yelled. "Yuffie, please no… but I'm not single. I'm with Elena… you know, the Turk… don't put your hand there! Please GO AWAY!" he screamed, darting past them into the hallway. He was running at full speed.

"Aw come on, Kitty, I only want to play!" Yuffie called out, arms outstretched as she nimbly chased after him, tripping over Nanaki's tail in the process.

Red raised a reddish-orange eyebrow. "Interesting… I did not know that Reeve could run that quickly. Perhaps he should have accompanied us instead of Cait during our journey."

Cid shook his head at the spectacle, only glad that she wasn't after Vincent anymore. Had the girl gone completely off her head? He returned his attentions to Tifa in enough time to see her grabbing a small chunk of the ex-Turk's hair and running it through her fingers.

"What the hell do ya think yer doin'?" he demanded.

She jumped only slightly, looking up at him with her sweetest expression. "Aw let's have some fun. Let me braid his hair."

"Hell no! Vince would fucking kill me!" swore Cid, freeing up a hand so he could slap her's away.

"Tifa, let's go! I've had enough of this party," Cloud exclaimed, running up to them. He grabbed her arm and started dragging her towards the door. Tifa looked back just once, longingly at hair that would always be prettier than hers.

Cid heaved a sigh of relief, and again shifted Vincent's weight in his arms. He glanced over and saw that Barret was standing near the speakers, looking lost, and Nanaki had passed out on the floor.

He shrugged, at least it had been a success.

End Flashback

Cid finished his remembrances as he gently laid the unconscious gunman across his bed and got him ready to go to sleep. He carefully removed the thick black boots that the dark-haired man insisted on wearing, and the high collared cloak that always served to hide most of his features. Cid shook his head in amazement, two years after the Great Sephiroth Fiasco and the man still couldn't change his wardrobe.

It was taking nearly all his energy just to help Vincent. Cid had had quite a few drinks himself and was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol, though he doubted he would just pass out like poor Vince.

Giving a great heave, the blond moved Vincent further up into the bed. He began to remove his own clothes so that he could rest comfortably too.

Turning his head to smile down at the unconscious gunman, Cid reached around to remove the head band threaded through his raven hair. He found his fingers filled with silky soft tresses and smiled at the feeling.

Vincent groaned softly and fought to open his eyes, crimson meeting ice blue. "Highwind…" he muttered quietly, blinking several times. It was hard for him to keep his eyes open, he felt so tired. "What… happened?"

"Ya passed out, Vince. Apparently ya can't handle yer alcohol." Cid grinned, ruffling his friends hair as he turned back around to remove his jacket and throw it on the floor with his boots, scarf, and Vincent's clothing.

"Shut up…" responded Vincent, his voice already thickening with sleep again.

The Captain grinned despite himself as he stripped off his shirt but left his pants on. He didn't want Vincent to freak out or anything in the morning before he got a chance to have his way with him.

"Cid," Vincent began, but halted before he continued, waiting for the pilot to acknowledge him.

"Yeah?" answered Cid as he lay down next to the gunman, turning his head to face him. Vincent's eyes were closed and his breathing was evening out. Cid cursed mentally, thinking that the gunman had already passed back out.

"I been wanting to do that, too…" the dark-haired man muttered softly, his words trailing off as he drifted off into slumber.

Cid smiled to himself as he settled deeper into his bed, getting comfortable. It had been a good day overall. He closed his eyes and felt himself getting drowsy.

"Damn!" he suddenly cursed, eyes flying open. "Happens every fucking time!"

He growled more to himself than anyone else, as he thrust his body off the bed and stormed into the bathroom.

----

Crimson eyes opened blearily as the dark-haired man awoke from his alcohol induced slumber. He vaguely realized that he wasn't in his own room as he managed to look up at the ceiling and around the room. He felt a cool breeze ghost over his body and shivered a bit. It was then that he realized he wore nothing but his black boxers. He thought his surroundings looked familiar; however.

Sighing heavily, his head pounding, Vincent tried to sit up. He groaned when he realized there was a heavy weight settled on his right side. He unconsciously gave a great heave to dislodge whatever was restraining him, mind still fuzzy on the circumstances.

There was a heavy thump followed by a series of muttered curses. Startled, Vincent's mind cleared. He recognized the voice.

"Cid?" he questioned as he rolled over slightly and peered over the side of the bed.

"What the $#!" the pilot muttered, holding his head angrily. He had landed not gently on the floor, head first. He shivered slightly, finding it rather cold to be lying on the wooden floor in just his boxers.

Vincent's eyes widened. (Oh, hell! Had they done something, and he couldn't remember? The night was such a blur!)

"Sorry," Vincent mumbled sheepishly.

Cid struggled to sit up. "S'okay," he said groggily. "How ya feelin'?"

"My head hurts," the dark-haired man answered, blinking.

Cid laughed, slowly clearing the fog of sleep from his mind. Of course, waking up to find yourself pushed out of your own bed can wake a man up rather quickly as well. "You did drink a hell of a lot, Vince."

"Oh."

Cid cocked his head to the side as if in confusion. "You sound disappointed," he said suggestively.

Vincent smiled endearingly though Cid could not see it behind his own hand. "I just wanted to make sure that I would remember the first time."

The blond stood to his feet and made his way back to the bed. The ex-Turk stretched out lazily, finding himself a comfortable position. Cid clambered up next to him and laid down in the space that Vincent had provided.

"Is that so?" Cid questioned.

Vincent nodded. "My mind's really fuzzy but didn't you kiss me in front of everyone last night?"

The Captain grinned lecherously. "If ya hadn't been so drunk, I woulda done more." He leaned in and planted a strong kiss on Vincent's soft lips.

The ex-Turk moaned with the touch and reached out with his right arm, wrapping his hand around the back of Cid's head, deepening the kiss. He parted his lips and allowed the blond access to his mouth. He loved the taste of the pilot, something akin to cigarettes and tea, two flavors Cid was most fond of. The dark-haired man felt a shiver of arousal shoot down his spine heading straight for his awakening length.

Cid moved over to straddle the gunman, hands beginning to roam mercilessly as he continued to kiss the hell out of the raven-haired beauty. Calloused mechanic fingers tweaked an already peaked nipple. Vincent moaned beneath his touch.

"Eeew! I so did not want to see that!" came a low voice from beside them on the bed. Vincent jumped with surprise. Cid pulled back and away from Vincent, more or less sitting on his hips.

"Reeve?" The gunman had easily recognized the voice.

The pile of sheets and blankets next to the making out couple began to shift as a dark-headed man poked his head out.

"Oops," Cid said sheepishly. "I forgot about him."

Vincent furrowed his brow in confusion. "Why are you in here?"

"Hiding from Yuffie," came the muffled response.

"And I thought only males were that horny," Cid joked.

Vincent rolled his eyes. "I was that out of it?"

Cid grimaced. "You drank a lot trying to avoid the ninja."

Reeve huffed and rolled out the bed. Unlike the others, he was thankfully completely dressed. "Well, I'll… er… just leave now. I am interrupting after all."

Cid smirked as he watched the ex-executive hurry from the room, face bright red with embarrassment.

The pilot returned his attentions to the prize in his arms. "Now where were we?" He grinned at the man he intended to take as his lover.

"I think right about here," Vincent purred. He reached up with one hand and trailed a soft caress from the nape of the pilot's chest and down the front of his body, delighting in the feel of the muscle. Even though most fighting had ceased since the Fiasco, Cid still managed to keep in great shape.

The ex-Turk didn't stop as he traced the line further down, wrapping one long elegant finger around the waistband of the pilot's boxers, tugging on them slightly.

"Fuckin' tease," Cid grunted as he leaned forward to claim a kiss from the gunman.

Vincent's hand dove into the pilot's pants, seeking that rapidly hardening length. He wrapped his hand around it and began to stroke slowly, eliciting a lust-filled moan from the blond.

Not that the pilot himself had been completely unbusy. Even as Vincent worked to put Cid into a lustful frenzy, the pilot had roving hands that constantly tweaked at sensitive nipples on a pale chest. The dark-haired man had to bite his lip to keep from crying out too loudly. It wouldn't do for everyone else to be hearing.

Eager to get another reaction from Vincent, Cid reached down and dove into the black boxers, finding his own prize.

They stroked each other in time, the only sound was their satisfied moans.

"Damn," Cid breathed. "I can't take it anymore. I been waiting too long."

"Then just fuck me," Vincent moaned in response, yanking the pilot down for another kiss.

Cid grinned. "Don't have to ask me twice." He reached down to pull off the black boxers covering Vincent.

A piercing shrill alarm suddenly went off as flashing red lights in the room started to blind the two intended lovers.

"What the $#$#?" The Captain questioned looking up angrily.

It was the emergency system for the Highwind. Either something was up with the ship or they had been attacked.

Vincent sighed and groaned all in the same breath.

The pilot cursed angrily as he slowly rolled off Vincent.

Damn it all to hell! Fucking Vincent until he screamed was just going to have to wait!

----

Darn it for emergency alarms!

I'm real interest in hearing your opinion on this story. Is it as funny as I think it is? Or just stupid?


	5. Some Things Never Change

**Chapter 5: Some things never change**

It was a strangely subdued and odd acting group of saviors of the world that gathered in the cockpit of the airship Highwind. Once the emergency alarms went off all over the ship everyone was forced to come there to understand what the hell was going on. Unfortunately they also realized upon arriving that NO ONE knew anything.

Cid stormed into the cockpit, ready to tear the head off the first person who looked at him wrong.

"What the hell is the emergency?" he roared aloud, fixing a glare on all those present. Unfortunately, most of them weren't even conscious enough to realize it.

Reeve was leaning tiredly against a wall, heavy dark circles underneath his eyes. He yawned largely, not even bothering to cover his mouth. Poor man looked as if he had been running around all night despite the fact that Cid knew the ex-executive had slept in the pilot's room.

Nanaki had curled up on the floor and was snoring softly, fire on his tail flickering as he breathed out through his nose on the end of his tail as he curled around him.

Tifa was looking around blearily, hair wild as she rubbed into it, apparently not completely awake yet. It was obvious she had a hangover as she repeatedly licked her dry lips, cotton mouth being an unpleasant feeling. Her green chocobo cotton pajama's almost… (ALMOST I SAID)… made Cid want to burst out laughing.

But he was still furious from being interrupted when he was about to get it on with the vampire of his dreams… With angry and still-glaring blue eyes, Cid continued his sweep of the room as he moved to the control panel.

Barret was standing in front of the window, arms crossed over his burly chest. He had an almost pained look on his face, as he displayed both feelings of anger and sadness. He kept surreptitiously glancing over at Cloud before shaking his head and sighing loudly. Then he would glance out the window for a moment, only to return to staring at their blonde leader, repeating the process all over again.

Cloud, who was standing near the control panel, seemed jittery more than normal. He was chewing on his fingernails nervously, a nasty habit for sure, and kept glancing between Tifa and Barret as if he had spent the night running from both of them.

The Captain knew that Vincent had come in behind him, so there were no worries there. So… that was everyone except-

"Where the hell is Yuffie?" Cid demanded as his eyes swept over the control panel, eyeing the many displays and screens. To him, all appeared normal. The engine seemed to be running fine, they were not under any sort of attack, and he could not fathom a reason for the emergency alarms to go off. Unless, someone pulled the emergency cord or pushed the switch…

"I haven't seen her since last night…" Tifa yawned, still trying to pat her frizzled out locks into some semblance of normal.

"Tch! Figures!" the pilot cursed. "So what the hell happened?"

Everyone gave him a blank stare.

Suddenly the ship gave a violent rocking as a sound that was drastically similar to that of an explosion resonated through the air. All of the passengers fought to keep their feet. Unfortunately for Tifa, she failed miserably. She tripped over her own feet and slammed down on her ass rather hard.

"Captain, sir! The right engine just gave out! We have to make an emergency landing!" called out one of the crewmen.

"Fuck! Everyone hold on to your shorts and don't piss in 'em!" called out the pilot as he quickly reached for some type of handhold. Seeing the alarmed look on his face, the members of AVALANCHE followed his example and settled down for the ride.

The airship rocked violently as it quickly sunk in the air heading in for a landing. It skidded, bounced a few times, then hit the ground, throwing most of the passengers against the floor not gently at all. The lights went to emergency and the cockpit was bathed in a reddish-orange glow.

"Ugh! Slalwart! Stat!" the Captain ordered, putting himself in full pilot mode.

"We landed, sir!" came the quick response.

"Well if that wasn't obvious," Nanaki remarked dryly.

"Roll call!" Cloud yelled, easily recalling his days as leader.

"I've got a splitting headache," Tifa's muttered with a groan.

"Did you not cover landin' in yer pilot class, you dumbass?" Barret questioned.

"Reeve, here."

"And I."

"Who's 'I'?" questioned Cloud.

"Don't be an idiot. Who else is left," came the dry reply.

"Oh, Vincent," the leader responded recognizing the deep voice and annoyed tone.

"Where is that fuckin' ninja?" Cid cursed. "And where the hell are we?"

"Wutai, sir. On the far southern shore," a crewman responded checking their position on the map.

All members present struggled to their feet, some brushing dust off of their clothes and in the gunman's case, pulling dust bunnies out of his hair. The unfortunate side effect of having long hair, it tended to attract everything.

"Well, we are going to need repairs." Cid sighed loudly. "And Wutai is the closest place. Who's with me?"

There was a distinct and empty silence that spread throughout the room. A pin dropping would have been deafening.

"Oh? No one wants to come?" the Captain questioned aloud. "Fine then. Walk home. Good luck to ya."

Almost immediately everyone spoke at once.

"Fine!" Cloud shouted, over the clamor. "We will all go!"

Two hours later, after everyone had showered, changed and retrieved their weapons by the beautiful light of bright orangish-red. The group of heroes set off towards Wutai, a good days journey to the north. It was then that they remembered the events of a few years ago after the time they had first met Yuffie.

The crafty little ninja had stolen their materia, raced across the continent, hid from them, tricked them, got captured by Don Corneo, and then had to be rescued. She was more trouble than she was worth.

"Um… is anyone else worried by Yuffie's disappearance," the lone female of the group asked.

Cid snorted. "Should I be? We were above Wutai when the explosion occurred. For all I know, the sneaky girl caused it. She IS after our materia after all."

"But we still have all of it," Nanaki commented, rubbing his chin with his foreleg.

The pilot scratched his head. "True… but still… I know she had something to do with this."

The group continued on in silence, all pondering the events. Cid was still dealing with the erotic thoughts that were racing through his brain and snuck looks at the dark-haired gunman whenever he had a chance. And if he wasn't mistaken, the ex-Turk was sneaking a peek at him as well.

When he finally caught one crimson eye turned his way, Cid inclined his head only slightly, gesturing that he wanted to speak to the gunman. Vincent obliged, speeding up his step to sidle up next to the pilot.

"You wanted to speak to me?" Vincent's low voice was quiet, sending shivers up Cid's spine at the thought.

"I plan on continuing what was interrupted…" spoke Cid in a hushed voice. He leaned in closer, whispering in the gunman's ear. "I want to feel you from the inside."

Vincent blushed furiously without intending to, visions unbidden coming to his mind at the pilot's words. Gods! Now he felt so hot he didn't know if he could stand the rest of the trip.

"Is… is that a promise?" asked the gunman, nearly stuttering his words.

Cid laughed. "Oh, yes it is." He returned his attentions to the path ahead of them more than pleased to find that they had already arrived at the town of Wutai. Apparently it had expanded in the past few years, occupying more space.

"Wow!" Tifa exclaimed wide-eyed. "Wutai sure has grown. Hasn't it Cloud?" She smiled sweetly at the spiky-headed blond and threaded her arm through his.

"Yeah… sure has," he answered her slowly, gently pulling his arm from her grasp. Tifa was like a leech – or maybe a tick described her better – sometimes it took fire to make her let go.

"Ah, the royal guests have arrived," came a nasal and annoying voice. All those present looked ahead of them to see a Wutaiian official and several guards standing in their path.

"Royal guests?" the leader asked confused.

"And the royal suitor is here as well," continued the wutaiian, completely ignoring Cloud's question. He centered his gaze on Vincent, dark eyes locking onto crimson ones. "Hmph. At least he looks Wutaiian."

"R… royal suitor?" stammered Vincent, face paling if that was at all possible for someone of his complexion.

The guards surrounding the official moved to surround the friends. Two, however, separated from the group and headed straight for Vincent.

"Lord Godo would like to speak to you alone," said one of the soldiers.

"But… but…" spluttered Vincent, unable to come up with anything more intelligent. He didn't want to fight back. That would be a bad thing. But there was no way in hell he was going to marry Yuffie either. He still hadn't got to screw Cid!

As the soldiers led the dark-haired stammering gunman away, the distinct sound of Tifa's giggling could be heard as the Wutaian official led them through the streets towards the inn.

"That little thief!" Cid spluttered outrageously, "Taking my man like that!"

Nanaki chuckled and swished his tail, almost setting Tifa on fire. "Some things never change."

"And why the hell are you laughing?" demanded Cid.

"I never thought my plan would work so well," Tifa said, giggling again. She felt like hugging herself.

"Your plan?" asked Barret confused.

"Aw, come on," the martial artist said, waving her hand at them. "You guys are such stiff-necked creatures. We all thought Vin needed to loosen up right? I just gave them an extra push." She tapped her chin. "Then again… it should have worn off twenty-four hours ago, about three hours after the party."

"What should have worn off?" Cid growled dangerously.

Tifa gulped and blanched at the murderous glance in Cid's eyes, all giggles erased from her mind. "Um… the love potion…" Her eyes darted around wildly. "But… but Cloud gave it to me in the first place!" she declared, pointing a finger at their illustrious leader.

"For use on Cid… not _Yuffie_!" exclaimed Cloud aghast. Then his eyes widened as he realized the implications of what he had just said. A pair of hands clapped over his mouth, they belonged to Tifa.

"On… Cid?" Barret questioned looking strangely aghast.

"Love potion?" Reeve repeated as if shocked by what he heard. "Thank the gods! I wasn't sure how I was going to explain that to Elena?"

"Explain what, Reeve?" came a female voice sounding very angry. All eyes stopped in their tracks and turned to the side.

All of the Turks: Rude, Reno, and Elena – were standing outside of the Turtle's Paradise and staring down at the group of heroes. Elena had her hands on her hips and was frowning particularly at Reeve.

"Um. We'll catch up later, we know our way to the temple," Cloud said to the officials. They looked as if they might protest but one glare from the spiky-headed blond, and a tap to a rather large sword, and they thought better of it.

"Oh… El-Bear… I thought you were all on vacation…" Reeve said, stammering a bit as he moved to speak to his girlfriend, who instantly latched on to him.

"You as well as anyone should know that the Turks prefer to spend their vacations at Wutai," Elena answered, glaring at him. She hadn't forgotten what she had overheard but was waiting for the moment to bring it back up.

"Besides," Reno piped up. "We were invited to Yuffie's wedding. Rufus said we had to come since Tseng couldn't."

"Y… Yuffie's wedding?" the Captain questioned, turning his glare onto Tifa. She shrunk backwards and hid behind Cloud.

Aha! Finally, the Cid-famous glare was working!

"Yeah." Reno shrugged, lighting up a cigarette. "It's supposed to be tomorrow night or something like that… pity the poor sap though." He actually winced at the thought of anyone liking the psychotic ninja, much less wanting to marry her.

"There's no way…" Tifa stammered. "I only gave it to her two days or so ago. They couldn't have planned a wedding like that this far in advance."

"Then… it wasn't just the love potion…" Nanaki mused aloud. "She really DID want Vincent." He fought the urge to shudder as an image of the two in very compromising position appeared in his poor, irreparably damaged mind

"Vincent?" questioned all three of the Turks looking completely surprised.

"Poor, poor man." Reno sighed, shaking his head. He took a deep drag of the cigarette.

"We have to stop this wedding!" Rude exclaimed vehemently, speaking for the first time. It was the first time Barret ever actually heard him speak, so the dark-skinned man looked at him strangely.

All eyes turned to him in confusion. He paled as much as he was able and stammered out his next sentence, "Well… we can't leave Valentine to his fate… he was one of us wasn't he?"

"Damn right!" Cid exclaimed, startling them all with his vehemence. "I've got a score to settle and a settle to score! Who's with me?"

There was a series of cheers and hollers. Apparently AVALANCHE, the terrorist group, was back in action.

Everyone began murmuring to each other, forming plans of action.

Elena moved to stand next to her boyfriend, clasping his hands in hers and smiling sweetly at him. "Now what weren't you going to explain?"

----

Tee hee! The plot thickens! Leave a review before you go and I'll see about posting the next one sooner.


	6. Who'd Volunteer for That?

**Thanks to all my reviewers... you are a great bunch of people!**

**Chapter 6: Who'd volunteer for that?**

Ninepeople sat around a wide rectangular table, eyeballing each other. They were in the following order, Cloud at one head, followed by Nanaki to his right, then Elena and Reeve. Cid sat at the other head, with Reno to his right followed by Rude, Barret, and Tifa.

The dark-haired girl sported a lovely purple-eye, while the other female smirked proud of herself. Apparently Elena wasn't too fond of love potions and their side effects. Cloud was biting his lip nervously, cutting his eyes at Elena, hoping she wouldn't take out her vengeance on him as well.

"How are we going to do this?" asked Reeve, leaning back in his chair.

"We could just wait until the day of and storm the place!" Barret exclaimed, happily picturing explosions and fighting.

"Right," Reno said with a snort. "Why don't we start a war while we are at it?"

"Ah." Barret sighed dreamily, clasping his hand to his gunarm and stroking the barrel lovingly. "To be fighting again."

"Dumb ass," barked Tifa, smacking him across the back of the head. "Don't make me tell Marlene for that matter."

The dark-skinned man immediately ceased his war-like ideas and shut his mouth, waiting for other ideas.

"Wutaians are big on respect and such. The only way to come out of this without any problems is to have someone else marry her," Reeve commented.

"Who the hell would volunteer for that?" demanded Cid.

"I would," Rude muttered quietly. All eyes turned in his direction.

He shrugged and looked away. (I'm sure he would be blushing if anyone could actually see it.)

"R… Rude?" his red-headed friend stammered, eyes wide. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette. Twin flicks of a lighter indicated that his and Cid's had been lit at once.

"She's got spirit," Rude responded as if that cleared up everything.

"B-But, I thought you liked Tifa?"

"She's hung up on Cloud," the bald man responded with another shrug as if said female was not in the same room. "Besides, Yuffie's a lot more… independent."

"Crush?" Tifa repeated looking extremely surprised. "You had a crush on me?" She clapped her hands together and wiggled excitedly, her eyes shining.

Cloud rolled his eyes at her and waved a hand in dismissal. "All that is beside the point. We have a wedding to stop!"

"How come you haven't asked me to marry you, yet?" Elena questioned, turning a small frown onto her lover.

Reeve flushed from the tips of his ears to all over his face, resembling a very ripe tomato. An embarrassed grin settled over his features and he looked sheepishly at her. "Umm… uh…"

"Great!" Reno exclaimed to save his friend. "You ruined the big secret!"

"She… she did?" the executive questioned, completely oblivious. He had a dumbfounded look on his face.

"Secret?" the blonde Turk questioned, a small smile beginning to break out on her features. She let go of the strangle hold she had on Reeve's arm.

"Yeah," Rude chimed, picking up on what was going on. "And after all the trouble he went through, too."

"Trouble?" Reeve questioned, still completely oblivious. He had no idea what any of them were talking about. What secret? He frowned.

"Remember?" the red-head nudged – actually, he kicked Reeve under the table but no one noticed… expect poor Reeve's shins. "The ring?"

Reeve looked at the other man with confusion, surreptitiously rubbing his shin. "Ring?" He caught the knowing look in the Turk's eyes and suddenly started nodding vigorously. "Oh right! That ring! Damn! I was going to surprise you at Christmas! You ruined it now!"

Reno kicked him again, whispering vigorously under his breath. "Don't overdo it!"

Elena smiled, throwing her arms around her lover and encasing him in a death grip. "Really?" she squealed happily.

The man nodded slowly, a trapped look to his face. He tried to hide it by plastering on the biggest smile anyone had ever seen.

The room fell silent then… seconds ticked by… then minutes. Cloud cleared his throat noisily. Cid began to tap a rhythm on the table. Tifa started swaying back and forth to some internal melody only she could hear. Rude started fiddling with his sunglasses. Elena was hurriedly writing out wedding plans – though she technically hadn't been asked yet, but no one was in the mood to point that out. Nanaki's tail swished back and forth on the floor. Reno began to jingle his keys to a certain rhythm. Barret began to click his gun in specific intervals. And in the distance… the cooks in the kitchen began to bang their pots together for no reason at all.

Before they broke into song like in the musicals… someone finally spoke.

"I have the perfect plan," Nanaki blurted out suddenly, causing eight pairs of eyes to look in his direction. He smiled sneakily, an interesting grin on his feral face.

The slowly developing musical tune ceased, and the room was silent as the lion wolf began to slowly explain his plan.

---

The typical wedding music sounded throughout the Great Temple, first announced by many trumpets noisily. It began slowly building to a crescendo with only the slightest bit of country twang, just as the bride had wanted it.

Everyone who lived in Wutai, and a few honored guests, was gathered there, watching their princess finally get married. Some women couldn't help the tears that sprang to their eyes.

The huge double doors at the end of the Temple, wood gilded in gold, swung open and the audience rose, a giant wave, swiveling their necks in unison towards the door. It was like a synchronized swim.

Yuffie stood there breathtakingly beautiful and serene in her pink carnation traditional wedding kimono. Flowers were woven about her hair and her facial veil was of the purest silk, almost completely translucent. Her two bridesmaids were dressed in various tones of colors, wearing puffed pants and thin long-sleeved stomach-bearing silk shirts (think Arabian and you got it). Their faces were heavily veiled and their hair was hidden by thick silken scarves. One had stunning aquamarine eyes and the other soothing amber honey. They danced gently behind the bride, celebrating her wedding day.

Yuffie held her head high and pranced down the aisle, music loud and obnoxious as the country banjo got far too loud for its place. Her groom shifted nervously up at the podium, unable to turn around and look at her. He was also dressed traditionally in black silken form fitting robes and heavily hooded. He stared at the wall above the temple master's head, seeing without really seeing.

The audience ooh'ed and aah'ed as Yuffie passed, some even murmuring at the fluidity of the bridesmaids movements. Finally, she stood at her groom's side. He took her hand, though he did not look at her. He shivered visibly, from what I cannot say, and they both knelt on their knees before the Temple Master. Heads were bowed reverently. The two bridesmaids took their proper position on either side of the couple, kneeling and bowing as well.

The music ceased, the audience sat, and the Temple Master gathered all attention to himself. He began to speak in a deep, monotone voice that almost sent the gathered audience into slumber.

Suddenly, all the lights went out at once, throwing the room in complete darkness. Strangely enough, no one was frightened by this. In fact, most considered it a part of the wedding that was new this particular year.

Music began to play; loud, demanding and possessive. Colored lights snapped on, turning to point directly at the two bridesmaids. The entire Temple fell silent, the wondering murmurings quieted.

The bridesmaids stood to their feet fluidly and began to dance slowly, seductive and hypnotic. The beat to the music was easy to follow… a traditional eastern melody. Most held their breath at the erotic display as the two bridesmaids swiveled their hips bathed in blue and purple lights. They danced unnecessarily close to each other, reached into the other's skimpy top, and pulled out two metal balls about the size of cantaloupes. An eyebrow raise later, the caps were popped off emitting a thick and cloying smoke.

The grey smoke quickly began to fill the Temple, some of the audience members coughed… and a few clapped, mostly the men. They enjoyed the dance! They all believed it was part of the show… that Princess Yuffie had gone to great lengths to make her wedding the most spectacular in Wutaian history.

All of the lights flickered on but not much could be seen due to the rapidly dispersing smoke. Someone gasped and pointed upwards even as the bridesmaids did an elaborate jingle, ringing tambourines that had suddenly appeared in their hands and gestured towards the ceiling. All eyes looked in curiosity.

There, standing on one of the rafters with a lit cigarette bouncing jauntily between his lips. He grinned as he gestured towards the long rope in his hands.

It was Cid.

The music, which was still playing, gained in volume as the pilot gave a great bow. He gripped onto the rope and dived, swinging. A series of gasps resonated throughout the crowd.

The Captain executed an aerobatic flip before landing smoothly on his feet between the two bridesmaids. He bowed as the audience clapped. The smoke was still thick in the room.

"What the hell are you doing?" Yuffie snapped, getting to her feet angrily.

Cid didn't answer her, instead shouldering past her to grab onto the heavily hooded groom.

"You're coming with me!" ordered the pilot, leaving no room for argument.

"Uh…" the groom didn't say anything as Cid proceeded to drag him towards the back exit.

"Hey!" Yuffie protested. "That's my husband!" That was wall she could get out before the main doors slammed open and two tomboyishly dressed females stormed in.

"Down with weddings! Down with men! Our friend Yuffie won't submit again!" They were chanting this at the top of their lungs, brandishing their weapons proudly.

It was Elena and Tifa…

As the audience watched with gaped mouths, the two women stormed up to the podium and grabbed hold of the pink-clothed bride.

"We won't let you degrade yourself by submitting to the man's idea of womanly duties," the Turk claimed, practically yelling the younger ninja's face.

"Yeah," Tifa chimed in. "Tell those dirty old men that you're not going to cook and clean for them any longer. Women's liberty, wahoo!"

Someone in the audience whooped and hollered. "Alright, lesbians!"

Elena and Tifa bowed extravagantly, waving their weapons high in the air and giving a significant whoop in return.

"What do you two think you're doing?" Yuffie screeched, her face a blotchy red, feeling near ready to tear her hair out. She burst into tears. "You're ruining my wedding," wailed the ninja.

As if on cue, the throne doors burst open yet again. All eyes and heads swiveled towards the double doors. Cloud Strife stood there, sword balanced on his shoulder, despite its immense size. At his side, another man was dressed as a groom and was shifting between his two feet nervously. The groom-like man was very much taller than the short blond.

"Never fear, Yuffie, dear! You're wayward knights are here!" Cloud claimed loudly, boasting a huge grin.

The audience began to clap and cheer. They all felt as if they were experiencing a soap opera up close and personal. Perhaps they were extras on the set of ABC? A/N: I don't not own said television station

Cloud and the hooded, unnamed man strode proudly up the aisle. Before they managed to get to the altar, a large dark-skinned man burst out of nowhere in the crowd and tackled the sword-wielding blond.

"No, my sweet blond angel, you belong to me," blubbered the gun-armed man.

Cloud shoved the man off of him – this wasn't in the plan – but it was to no use. The dark-skinned man latched onto his left leg and refused to release him.

"Barret! Dammit! Let me go!" the leader cursed on a serious, feral growl. He wasn't surprised that it had no effect.

"No, no, no, no, no!" the dark-skinned man repeated, over and over blubbering needlessly.

The spiky-headed blond sighed, shoulders heaving, and gave up. He continued to move forward, the new groom at his side. The silent man's shoulders shook in repressed laughter, but he didn't offer a helping hand. The blond was forced to drag the leech by the name of Barret with him as they continued their mission to save the world from…. ninja's with a serious case of marriage-itis.

"I've come to defend your besmirched honor!" Cloud claimed exuberantly. He pretended as if he could not hear the other man crying at his feet and noisily kissing his black boots. The hooded man next to the blond nodded but did not speak.

"Where are the guards?" Yuffie wailed exasperatedly, ignoring the chaos around her. She nearly tore out her hair in frustration.

"Hey! He's trying to take your groom," tattled a nameless, faceless man in the audience.

The ninja turned and looked through tear-streaked lashes. Sure enough, Cid and her groom were almost to the exit, sneaking on tippy-toes.

Cid blanched visibly and grabbed onto the groom's arm. "Run!"

But the chance to escape was gone.

Wutaian soldiers burst into the Temple from every door, some even crashing through a few stained glass windows.

Within seconds, the entire altar and area was surrounded. The friends were trapped, their rescue mission thwarted.

Godo stormed into the temple, shouldering his way through the soldiers. He seemed highly irritated and very mad. It was against custom for the father to see the daughter given away and now he had to come discover the commotion in the temple. And he was busy, too!

"What the hell is going on here?" snarled the angry father.

"They ruined my wedding!" Yuffie whined, gesturing to all of her one-time friends gathered around her.

Someone in the audience began to giggle, but it was unclear why.

"You!" Godo roared, storming up to a random prisoner. "Explain yourself!" he grabbed up Tifa and shook her.

The dark-haired girl stared at him for a moment before she began to snicker. She tried not to look at him after that but the damage was already done, the image plastered in her mind. She couldn't help it and began to laugh harder.

It was still unclear why.

The giggling in the audience got louder. Elena joined in with Tifa.

"Daaaaaady," whined Yuffie. "Do something!"

"Except Cloud… don't touch my precious snuggly-wuggly-puff," glowered Barret, still attached to their one-time illustrious leader. Cloud couldn't help the embarrassment that spread across his cheeks as he tried to shake off the man. The gun-armed man refused to budge.

"Vince doesn't want to marry her!" Cid declared loudly, still struggling to break free. They had grabbed him tightly, as he was providing the most resistance.

"But I do," intoned the groom that had come in with Cloud.

Godo threw up his hands.

The audience began to snicker louder.

It was still unclear why.

"I don't care. But someone's getting married today!" Godo declared. He turned an angry eye on Cloud, recognizing him as the leader. "Even if it's you," he threatened.

Cloud gulped nervously, the flight instinct kicked in. Oh God… Yuffie or worse Tifa… or…. God help him… Barret. He began to struggle violently, the only thing on his mind escape.

"I don't wanna marry, Cloud," Yuffie whined, beginning to cry again.

Godo began to pace fiercely, feeling a migraine beginning to settle.

It suddenly occurred to the two ignored bridesmaids that the music was still playing. Exchanging glances and desiring freedom, they began to dance seductively. The audience continued to laugh, some beginning to roll on the floor in tears…

It was still unclear as to why.

The guards holding the two dancing bridesmaids gulped nervously, shifting in their stances to alleviate the sudden pressure in their overly tight pants. It was getting harder to concentrate on their duties.

Cloud suddenly gave a great heave, using his super-ex-SOLDIER strength –which isn't really existent because he never was in SOLDIER but that is a moot point – to kick Barret off of him. The dark-skinned man went flying right into Elena, who tried to catch him despite the fact that he was nearly three times her size.

Thus began a domino effect never to be seen for ages.

Elena crashed to the ground, Barret landing on top of her. The dark-skinned man lost control and accidentally shot a chandelier. Said item hung for all of three seconds before it came crashing down on the head of the Temple Master.

The balding middle-aged guy (stereotypes are so blasé) passed out and was caught by Yuffie who tripped on the edges of her dress and tumbled off of the altar right into the dancing bridesmaids.

They were in turn caught by their respective guards, who forgot all about the guns in their hands.

For the second time that day, a gun went off accidentally, zooming right over Tifa's head. Almost immediately, due to overuse of hairspray and other cosmetics, her hair caught fire. (A/N: I don't even know if that's possible but let's go with it!)

Tifa started screaming, running around in circles with her hair on fire. The guard had let her go, he was terrified of fire.

Godo started shouting, his face turning purple for someone to catch the idiotic brunette. His arms began to flap up and down like a chicken. It was actually quite amusing.

She ran into Cid, who pushed her away, straight into Yuffie's groom. He shoved her to the ground to smother out the flames but not before he caught his hood on fire.

Tifa was smoldering as her savior threw off his lit hood and tossed it to the ground, stomping on it angrily to prevent anymore fires.

The entire hall went silent…. except for the occasional giggle…

It was still unclear as to why.

Cid's mouth gaped open.

All eyes turned towards the groom who looked at them all sheepishly and ran his hands through his raven hair.

"Eh… surprise?"

---

That seemed like a good place to end it.

So, who can guess what the surprise is?


	7. I Don't Think DaoChao Approves

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or its characters. I merely borrow them for my and your enjoyment.

Warnings: Language, Eventual Lemon, Yaoi action, general randomness

Feel free to send in a review.

**Chapter 7: I'm not sure Dai-Chao approves**

All members of AVALANCHE gaped as they beheld the now unhooded groom. He ran his hands through his spiky black locks nervously again.

"Where the hell is Vincent?" Yuffie demanded. She stamped her foot angrily as she immediately glared at the dark spiky-headed man, who looked remarkably like Cloud.

"Zack?" The swordsman gaped. Hadn't he died like years ago? What the hell was he doing in Wutai?

"You see that's a long story," Zack mumbled, eyes searching for somewhere to look and finding the fascinating plain white tiled floor. "Vincent didn't want to marry Yuffie, and he wasn't about to wait for rescue. So he bribed me into doing it instead."

Yuffie looked to be on the verge of tears, her visions of the perfect wedding crumbling before her eyes. "This is the absolute worst day of my life!"

It was at that moment that Rude chose to come forward. He walked towards the little ninja and took her hands in his. He knelt down on one knee and looked at her expectantly.

"I will marry you, Miss Kisaragi," he said solemnly. "For I have always admired your beauty."

"W… what?" questioned Yuffie, eyes red as she looked at Rude with an air of disbelief and surprise.

"For god's sake!" uttered Godo. "Somebody marry her! I want grandchildren!"

"I promise to always be faithful and will love you forever in all the recesses of my heart," Rude vowed, attempting to persuade the pink-clothed wannabe bride. "And my family has always been virulent," he added, eyes shifting towards Godo.

The ninja seemed doubtful for a moment but finally shrugged. "At least you want to marry me," she mumbled under her breath.

Rude got to his feet, smiling broadly as he led her towards the altar. The guards began to slowly filter away as the wedding started to get back on track. Elena and Tifa busied themselves with awakening the conked out Temple Master.

And for some reason… the mysterious laughter in the crowd still hadn't ceased. It began to pick up again as Godo stormed around the Temple getting everything back in order for his daughter's perfect day. However, when he glared at those gathered no one offered up an explanation, giving him stony looks.

Finally, the stereotyped balding Temple Master came to his senses and stood shakily to his feet. He swayed until he was supported by the firm arms of the two dancers. He cleared his throat and looked over the congregation. He ignored the still clinging smoke and the copious amounts of guards.

Rude and Yuffie stood before him expectantly, the dark-skinned man with an uncharacteristic grin on his face.

"By the grace of the fourteen gods in heavens who are thusly named: Karentilinathsuiantimus, Jacticikalamanina, Corkotos-"

"Go with the damn short version," Yuffie snapped angrily. The Temple Master rolled his eyes dramatically and released a heavy sigh. He shrugged his shoulders as if determining her seriousness. Her eyes breathed fire.

"Do you?" questioned the Master with a cocked eyebrow.

"Yes," Yuffie affirmed with a steady nod.

"And you?"

There was the sound of laughter yet again… and it was still unclear as to why.

"With all my heart," Rude vowed, sharing a tender eye with his wife.

"Kiss her and get out of here!"

Rude grabbed Yuffie's arm, yanked his smaller wife towards him and enveloped her in a slobbery kiss, nearly sucking her face off. At first she attempted to resist for lack of air until she decided it was easier to give in.

The crowd rose up in a ragged cheer even as Godo came forward to hug his daughter goodbye. The sound of laughter rose higher as some cheering faded to giggling.

Godo's face reddened, and he drew to his full height, trying to look scary and intimidating. This only caused the crowd to engage in more raucous laughter.

"Why the hell is there laughter?" the father of the bride demanded in a demanding, angry tone.

No one answered. Veins bulged out in his neck and vessels threatened to burst on his face. He vaguely resembled an overripe tomato as imagined steam shot from his ears. Still no one said anything as the laughter continued.

"The world's gone mad!" Godo screamed, throwing his hands up over his face. He shook his head violently as he stormed down the aisle in the center of the temple.

And following in his wake was a long line of fluttering white… the lord of Wutai had toilet paper stuck to his high-priced slippers. Laughter followed the path he had taken.

The Temple Master removed the hand from in front of his mouth and put both arms up into the air to ask for silence. Immediately the crowd went silent.

"And now the feast!" he exclaimed in a booming voice.

"Wait!" Elena yelled, running forward with her hands waving up in the air as if she were attempting to fly. Her chest heaved as she forced in breath after breath and came to a skidding stop in front of the temple master.

He raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. The temple master pursed his lips and rolled his silver eyes down at the panting blond.

Her eyes kind of dragged over the room until they settled on the slightly taller bridesmaid standing next to the master.

A big smile broke out on her face, and she leapt forward, latching onto the bridesmaid's arm and dragging the bridesmaid towards her. There was a tripping of feet and a collapsing of limbs until finally the bridesmaid lay in a crumpled heap next to Elena.

The blond Turk reached down and picked up an arm, holding it out to the Temple Master triumphantly. Again, the man raised an eyebrow.

"We (gasp) are to be married (pant) next (gasp)."

"Eh…" began the master slowly. "I don't think Dao-Chao approves…" He eyed the elegant but skankish dress of the bridesmaid.

Elena reached down and started yanking off the clothes of the bridesmaid in front of the startled audience.

"Wahoo! Take it off!" called out a random audience member.

"Take it all off!" screamed out another with a piercing whistle.

Clothes went flying. Cloud caught a bra. Tifa snagged a scarf and promptly wound the bright pink confection around her neck. And the horny guy in the front row got smacked in the head with an elegant shoe. He passed out.

Finally, when clothes were gone, a much embarrassed and decidedly reddened and half-dressed Reeve was crouched on the floor behind Elena, hiding from everyone.

"It's a man!" exclaimed a random female in the crowd.

"Brilliant deduction, dumbass!" Elena retorted with a roll of her eyes. She glared at the Temple Master, her eyes darkening and horns growing from her forehead. "Marry us!" She growled loudly.

Bats screeched and emptied themselves from the eaves above.

The Temple Master went white, and his body started to shake. The other bridesmaid edged closer to him and whispered softly in his ear, "I think you should do as she says."

The master nodded and gulped loudly. "As you wish, my lady…. eh, the short version?"

Elena nodded vigorously. She stomped her foot and immediately Reeve stood to his feet, wearing nothing save a pair of tighty whities. (But I will bet you he looked DAMN good! Hee hee.)

There was a decidedly excited whistle from someone in the audience. They weren't sure who it was directed at.

The Temple Master sighed and eyed the two before him. He could only assume that they wanted the short version as well.

"Do you?"

Elena looked over at Reeve with stars shining in her eyes and sighed dreamily. "Forever and ever and ever…"

The Master threw up a hand. "I get the point. And you sir?"

There was a distinct quiet pause as the ex-executive's eyes shifted back and forth. He swore that the words were on the tip of his tongue, but he wasn't sure which words they were. He looked over at his blond girlfriend and saw that his silence was beginning to brew a storm. Suddenly there was a sharp pain in the dark-headed man's side.

"Right…." said Reeve finally, drawing out the last syllable of the word.

Elena was elated by this. She jumped up and down, clapping her hands together with the largest smile on her face. She wrapped her arms around Reeve's neck and enveloped him in the largest, sloppiest kiss she could before the Temple Master could even tell her that she was to.

There was a definite cheering in the crowd.

The second bridesmaid threw off the veil with a flourish revealing that it was in fact Reno beneath the sheer fabric. The cheering turned to whistling and hollering as the red-haired Turk grabbed the nearest person and kissed them too, not wanting to be left out of the action.

Except… it happened to be Cloud.

"Get it on!" came a distinctly male voice from the audience in a rough tone followed by a shout of joy.

Reno wrapped his arms around the shorter blond and kissed him for what he was worth, slipping him the tongue at every opportunity, forcing him backwards as if they had been dancing.

Then the mayhem erupted… and Cid slipped out the back door.

A huge dark-skinned fist pummeled the red-haired man in the face. It all seemed to happen in slow motion as Reno's head snapped backwards, his nose broken.

"That's my snooky bear!" Barret bellowed.

Cloud fell to the ground on his ass, slightly dazed from his intense make out session.

"That is my best friend!" Rude exclaimed, jumping on Barret's back and trying to take him down.

"Sweetie! No fighting!" Yuffie squealed, grabbing onto the back of Rude's tux and attempting to pull him off of Barret.

Elena appeared out of nowhere, screaming a hiyah! as she kicked the bride's feet out from under her.

Reeve seemed at a loss. He stood there in his underwear and slowly started backing away towards the far door. It wasn't legal yet… he hadn't signed any papers… it wasn't legal yet.

Tifa joined the fray. "Oh, Cloud, are you alright?" (Never mind that Cloud wasn't the one who was hit.) She slid to her knees at his side and pulled his head into her lap, stroking his hair and cooing softly. "Don't worry. Your cowgirl will take care of her chocobo."

The yellow-headed one-time swordsman immediately arose from his stupor, arms flailing to get free. But Tifa was freakishly strong. She held him tightly, a weird smile plastered on her face.

"No!" Barret screamed in a voice of anguish, seeing the dark-haired girl clinging to his 'snooky bear'. He tried to walk with the weight of Rude on his back and now the weight of Zack on his foot.

Why the spiky dark-haired man suddenly considered it his fight was as much of a mystery as to why he still lived.

Reno leapt up from the floor and wiped his face with the back of his hand, smearing blood across his cheek. It really wasn't the most… lust-inducing sight. He put up his fists and got in Barret's view.

"Cloud is mine! Fight me like a man instead of a sucker!" declared the red-haired Turk. He had a characteristic grin on his face and tried to look intimidating though he still wore the garb of a bridesmaid.

"Whoo! Take it off Strawberry!" It could only be assumed that the male cheerleader was speaking to Reno.

It wasn't legal yet… Reeve was still sneaking towards the back door. He was backpedaling slowly, trying not to draw undue attention to himself.

"Hey! The naked guy's getting away! Get him!" called out the tattle-tale.

Reeve froze, looking very much like a deer in headlights. A crowd of hungry women and lustful men both suddenly stood up in the audience and turned their attentions onto the half-dressed handsome god of a man. (Whoo! Please ignore the fangirl eye. It's the fault of my beta.)

His amber eyes widened with terror, and he took off running not caring to where. His bare feet padded across the floor as Reeve collided out the front temple doors.

"Baby!" screeched Elena in worry. She scrambled up off the floor where she had been wrestling with Yuffie, dripping in something that looked remarkably like honey. Someone in the audience, it wasn't sure why or how it was in their possession, had drizzled the substance on the two fighting women.

She saw Reeve running out the door chased by a small crowd of frantic fangirls and boys, and her eyes bugged out. Elena began to follow after them, drawing her gun and firing warning shots in the air. Yet, she had underestimated the tenacity of the fanperson character. They weren't at all afraid and continued the chase.

The Temple Master threw up his hands and gave up. He slowly began to back away and head for the far doors, escaping from the mayhem.

"Get your goons off of me, and we will settle this like men!" Barret roared angrily. He threw Rude off his back and kicked Zack away. Yuffie went chasing after her new husband, and the dark-haired man hit the far wall with a thunk!

Cloud was still struggling within Tifa's grasp, and she was cooing to him, promising all sorts of things that only scared him any more. The yellow-haired man was getting paler and paler.

"Agreed." Reno nodded and stepped back a step to allow the dark-haired man some room. Barret rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck, a huge grin settling on his face. He easily towered over the Turk and was almost twice the red-head's size.

The two men squared off as the remaining audience, and the companions all watched in awe and a bit of fear. There was bloodshed to be had and it was not going to be pretty. They circled each other, watching like hawks. Aquamarine eyes met brown, glare met smirk, as opponents were sized up.

Then they stopped, firming their stance for fighting. Reno angled his body slightly, leaning forwards with his left fist extended out from his body. Barret stood staring straight ahead, feet firmly planted with his left fist pushed out in front of him.

Yuffie walked between them with a sign printed in bright letters, the number 1. Where she had gotten it from was a mystery in itself. It seemed that was a common occurrence in the group's life.

Barret and Reno exchanged nods.

"Rock!" Barret hollered, throwing out his fist.

"Paper!" shouted Reno, repeating the dark-skinned man's action.

"Scissors!" they screamed in unison, casting out their hands in all the same motion.

"Damn!" they cursed in accord. Both had chosen Rock.

"Rematch!" chimed Yuffie happily. She now held a sign that said 2, her outfit remarkably changed to that of an itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-yellow polka dot bikini.

"Rock!"

"Paper!"

"Scissors!"

"Damn!" This time it was paper for both.

"You're going down!" snarled Barret. "The spiky-headed one is mine!"

"I would never lose to a man taller than me!" argued Reno in return, stomping his foot angrily. He glared at the dark-skinned man and stuck his nose in the air.

"Round 3!" cheered the ninja, now surprisingly excited about the whole ordeal. It seemed her ruined wedding was a thing of the past, and the bloodshed before her was far more interesting. She held a sign declaring three, glittering with metallic sparkles and even more extravagant than the last.

"Rock!" screamed Barret in a louder, more aggressive tone.

"I swear to All Creation," Reno began. "If we are matched the same again, there must be something wrong."

"Too true," nodded Barret in agreement.

"Paper!" yelled Reno.

"Oh, for heaven's sake!" came a voice, interrupted Zack pushing himself through the crowd. He stepped between the two men. "This can be settled in a more civilized manner. The bloodshed must end!"

The two dueling men blinked at the seriousness in their friends tone. The audience began to murmur quietly, nodding their heads in agreement.

Reno frowned. "Then what do you suggest?"

Zack put his fist to his chin and hummed quietly to the tune of Britney Spears as he considered his options. Out of nowhere, the xylophone in the back of the temple began to chime to the tune of Jeopardy. He tapped his foot in time to the beat as he contemplated. Suddenly, he snapped his fingers, a great smile breaking over his face.

"I've got it!" he exclaimed. "It shall be fight to the death between you two, gun against Electro Rod. That is the only safe way to deal with this… mutual attraction for the same lucky man."

Barret nodded slowly. "I think I could agree to that."

"Seems reasonable to me." Reno shrugged. "To the death, right?"

"Of course. It shouldn't be any other way," added in Zack, nodding vigorously.

The dark-skinned man grinned as he rubbed his hands… err… his hand and gun together. "Cloud is going to be mine."

"In your dreams," the red-headed Turk snorted. "The spiky-headed man will be sleeping with me tonight."

"No!" screamed Cloud in refusal. He pushed Tifa off of him and shook her away from his leg like one would a frantic puppy. "I want Cid!"

The entire temple went silent as heads swiveled back and forth to search for the aforementioned named pilot. He was nowhere to be found.

"And thus the potion that started this whole mess!" Elena yelled with her hands on her hips.

"Let's just get the hell up out of here!" issued Cloud in a loud voice. There was a nod of assent. He started towards the door, determination set in his features.

"Wait!" Zack exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. Silence fell over the audience and friends gathered as they waited for him to say what was on his mind. "I have an announcement to make."

Cloud continued to creep towards the back door, trying not to bring undue attention to himself.

"Just get it over with!" exclaimed someone in the audience. He was shot a dirty look.

"I want to marry Tifa!" shouted Zack at the top of his lungs. There was a stunned silence.

"That's it?" called out someone else. It was a rather vocal audience that had attended Yuffie's wedding.

Tifa stood up and looked from Zack to Cloud, a confused expression on her face.

Zack ran up to her and grabbed up her hands in his own. He knelt down and gave her a starry expression. "Dark-haired beauty, your smile and lilting angel voice has captured my heart since I first laid eyes on you. Will you be mine?"

"Ummm," Tifa chewed her lips nervously, giving a longing glance towards Cloud. She looked back at Zack and realized how similar the two men actually were. "Can we dye your hair blond?"

"You have got to be kidding me!" exclaimed that same voice from the audience. The one that commented, the one that whooped, and the one that hollered.

"Enough!" Reno screamed. "I've had it!" He leapt into the audience and found the faceless voice.

It was clobbering time.

He, he, he. Leave a review if you want...


	8. I Still Haven't Screwed Him Yet!

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or its characters. I merely borrow them for my and your enjoyment.

Warnings: Language, Eventual Lemon, Yaoi action, general randomness

Feel free to send in a review.

**Chapter 8: I still haven't screwed him yet!**

A lone figure dressed in the traditional Wutaiian soldier's garb flitted from shadow to shadow in the deserted streets of Wutai. Crimson eyes peeked out from beneath a hat pulled low over a brow as they peered around corners before moving to the next dimness. Boots clomped softly on the stone beneath his feet.

It was Vincent. He had just escaped from the palace not but twenty minutes beforehand and was slowly making his way out of the tourist town. He had his PHS, and he had plans. He was going to flee to the Highwind to make his escape. There was no way he was going to marry Yuffie and cook and clean for the rest of his life.

She wanted him to sew, too! Of all the nerve! Vincent Valentine, ex-assassin, does not sew frills or lace… stripes maybe… but absolutely no frills! None.

The ex-Turk was extremely glad that he ran into Zack at one point in his captivity at the palace in Wutai. The swordsman was so kind as to play decoy, while Vincent got away. It cost him his brand new Demon Gate rifle but it was well worth it in the dark-haired man's eyes.

Vincent threw his back up against the wall behind him and froze when he heard the sound of laughing voices. He listened intently as their footsteps faded and their conversation dimmed. He peered out of the deserted, shadowed alleyway and saw that the streets were now clear. The ex-Turk breathed a sigh of relief and started to creep out of the alley, keeping to the shadows and staying close to potential hiding places.

"Psst!" The dark-haired man whipped around at the hissed sound but couldn't see anything, save a rather large brown-haired dog wagging its tail excitedly.

For a moment he thought himself mad as he turned back towards the exit and continued creeping through Wutai.

"Psst!" He had managed to move another five steps or so when the hissed sound repeated. Vincent looked around yet again and still it was just the animal behind him.

Sighing angrily and scanning the streets, the ex-Turk prepared to make a run for it. The front gate was not far and hopefully, dressed as he was, no one would bother him or stop him. He tensed his muscles, ready to spring.

"Psst!" There it was again.

Thinking himself crazy and sure that he was going to regret it, Vincent turned around and noted that like before only the shaggy brown dog was behind him.

He crept towards the immobile animal with a wagging tail and sighed. He tried to form words and stumbled a bit, feeling every bit the fool.

"Did you…" he cleared his throat when he paused, eyeing the area around him to make sure there were no witnesses. "Did you just… psst?" asked the ex-Turk of the dog.

The animal cocked its head to the side and gave him a questioning look as if it didn't comprehend the words coming out of Vincent's mouth. The tail wagged repeatedly but the canine did not answer.

"I'm going out of my mind," Vincent mumbled under his breath as he smacked himself in the head. He patted the fuzzy brown head a few times then concentrated on sneaking out. In about ten minutes the wedding was going to start, and his disappearance would be discovered. He didn't have much time.

He turned his back on the canine and began to move down the street, still scanning for anyone who might try to stop him. He scarcely heard the footsteps before a heavy weight crashed into him from the back.

The ex-Turk fell to the ground, something weighty sitting on him.

"What the hell?" cursed Vincent, trying to get out from under the unknown object. However, it was much heavier than his slight weight.

Suddenly, there was distinctly masculine laughter and the heavy thing on his back began to shake. "Fooled you! Ha, ha, ha!" came a voice he well recognized.

"Nanaki! You haven't grown up yet?" Vincent questioned with a groan. "Get off me, mutt!"

The weight left his back, and the ex-Turk pushed himself to his feet and glared at his fellow friend.

"I fooled you though, didn't I?" questioned the lion wolf still dressed in brown fur.

"What have you done to yourself?"

"It's my disguise! Bright red and orange fur is a bit distinctive, you know," said Nanaki, nodding victoriously. "I see my plan worked then. You're free."

"Hmph," Vincent muttered. "I don't know what you're talking about. Let's get out of here though. I don't have time to stand around and talk." He pushed past the lion wolf and started to stride up the streets.

"So, how were the dancers?" asked Nanaki, padding up beside him.

"Eh?" questioned Vincent.

"And the swinging from the rafters, did he hit the X?"

"What are you talking about?"

"It was all my idea you know. Every bit of it. The liberative women and the dancing bridesmaids and Rude proposing. All of it. Except Barret… I didn't tell him to do anything, but he disappeared anyways. I wrote the script-"

"Nanaki…"

"I was trying to show them the horrors of getting married, while sticking to tradition. I didn't want to start a war you know. That would be bad. After all, we all just fought for our lives two years ago, and I would hate to-"

"Nanaki…" began Vincent again, trying to get a word in edgewise. Yet, the motor-mouth lion wolf was not stopping.

"I mean, Sephiroth was the ultimate badass. He was a tough one. And well, I don't want to see anyone hurt anymore. I just want to see everyone happy and that's why I suggested helping Rude to marry Yuffie. After all, he's been in love with the ninja for quite some time and-"

"Nanaki!" the ex-Turk snapped loudly, his patience worn thin.

"What?" the lion wolf questioned, looking up at Vincent innocently.

He sighed. "What are you talking about?"

Nanaki, dressed as a brown-haired dog, blinked for a moment. "Why, Yuffie's wedding, of course."

"How in the hell do you call all that," said Vincent waving his hands about in a big circle to represent an encompassing of all of the lion wolf's words. "Talking about Yuffie's wedding?" His voice had nearly reached that of shrieking proportions.

An old lady went walking by and raised her head alarmingly. She noticed that the dark-haired Wutaiian soldier was talking to a dog and wondered if Godo was actually getting that desperate. She wandered up to Vincent and placed a light and gentle touch on his arm. The dark-haired ex-Turk looked down at the woman, his eyes wide at having his personal space invaded.

"Its okay, dearie," said the elderly lady with grey hair. She leaned in close to Vincent. "We all go a little crazy sometimes." She patted his arm twice then ambled along her away.

The dark-haired gunman could only gape after her in astonishment, unable to come up with the proper retort as he heard Nanaki stifle his giggling behind him.

"Let's just get out of here," mumbled Vincent, shaking his head. "There's a blond out there with my name on his ass."

----

Cid Highwind crept down the deserted hallways of the temple. He had escaped the first available chance and had made it his goal to find the missing ex-Turk. He had already searched the entire temple and learned that the groom should have been there the entire time. Therefore, Vincent was either somewhere in Wutai or already on his way to the Highwind. Cid was inclined to believe the latter.

Most of the rooms were empty. Some contained worshippers, who had lit incense that filled the room with its heady smoke. Cid wasn't sure if he liked the giddy feeling the smoke gave him.

As he walked, he began to tear off the nice tuxedo that he had dressed himself in. Now that there was no Vincent to see him in it right away, he couldn't stand to be in the outfit any longer. He pulled off the tie and heavy jacket and threw them on the floor. They belonged to Reeve anyways… its not like the pilot cared for them.

Cid stumbled as he stepped into the four-way hallway. He looked to the left, then the right, then forwards, then backwards, then repeated all four movements again. Every which way seemed the same. White walls, white tiles, but wait, what's this? There were arrows on the floor, painted in bright purple all pointing down each respective hallway. It all made so much more sense now.

For some reason, he was beginning to feel very happy… giddy even. Thoughts of the raven-haired ex-Turk made him want to giggle with glee.

Cid looked left, then right, then up, then behind him and finally settled on going left. After all, right was usually wrong and left was always right. He began to wonder in his mind exactly what he was going to do to Vincent first, when he finally caught him of course. There was so much to do… suck him, lick him, touch him, feel him, fuck him to the ground… bam!

The pilot rubbed his nose with a hand angrily as he was brought up short. It felt as if he had just run into a wall, but there was nothing in front of him. He shook his head and continued forward, convinced it had all been a dream.

Thud! He slammed face forward into the invisible wall. An egg-sized knot was beginning to form on his forehead.

"Fuckin' stupid ass lazy summa-" Cid began to curse angrily. He reached out a tentative hand and pushed it forward but felt nothing. He waved his hands in the air all about in front of him, searching for the wall he had crashed into. Still, there was nothing.

Not wanting to take his chances, the pilot sighed and turned on his heels. He would go the other direction and take another left.

Whack! What the-? Now the wall was behind him. As Cid rubbed the bump that was beginning to form on his temple, he began to think that he was losing his mind. His head was spinning and suddenly he began to feel just a bit hungry… a thick, juicy steak sounded good at the moment.

And back in the temple… an all out brawl was ensuing. However, that was unimportant for the general story line and as such was not discussed.

There was the distinct sound of high-pitched giggling behind him. Cid turned around and ran into another invisible barrier. He cursed loudly as he scanned the room for the source of the giggling.

There was a little child standing there with long silver hair and glowing green eyes.

"Shall I send you some despair?" the child questioned in a high-pitched tone. He cocked his head to the side and regarded the pilot with a disinterested smile.

"What the… hell?" questioned Cid, turning his famous angry glare upon the impudent black leather clad abomination before him. As usual, it didn't work.

"You are a puppet, and I am the puppet master," the child continued. He began to inspect his fingernails, though they were clad in leather gloves. The child frowned when he noticed that they were in fact dirty.

The pilot shook his head. Perhaps there was something in that incense… "How do I get the hell out of here, brat?"

"Silly rabbit," the child giggled, covering his mouth with one hand. "Trix are for kids."

Cid sighed. "Look, kid. I don't have time for games. There is a dark-haired sexy beast out there waiting on me to come fu- uh…" The pilot eyed the child. "Uh… play with him. How do I get past these walls?"

"To see the world in a grain of sand," responded the boy. He put his arms behind his back and rocked back and forth on his heels. "And eternity in an hour. The Promised Land will be mine, he, he."

Cid's mouth dropped open as he glared at the green-eyed boy. Something about him seemed vaguely familiar, from the heavily-buckled boots, to the black leather, to the long silver hair, and glowing green cat-like eyes. He snapped his fingers in sudden recognition. "Loz?"

The child shook his head negatively.

"Yazoo?"

Again, no.

"Kadaj?" He had to be right with that guess.

The little boy giggled and reached behind him, pulling out a silver sword that was nearly twice his own height. He stroked the handle lovingly. "This is Bessie, my pet cow. She almost helped me take over the world. Too bad meanie chocobo head had to kill me."

Cid choked. "Sephiroth? It… it can't be… You're dead."

The silver haired boy smiled. "So is Zack but that didn't stop him." He neither denied nor affirmed his identity.

The pilot surreptitiously reached for his spear, then cursed loudly when he realized he did not have it.

"Mother!" the child screamed, suddenly thrusting the sword at the pilot.

Cid nimbly dodged out of the way then turned to run. He had had enough of Wutaiian games.

Thwock! Damn that fucking clear ass….

Cid Highwind fell to the floor, unconscious.

-----

Vincent and Nanaki breathed heavily as they crested the final hill and caught sight of the Highwind, which was gleaming majestically in the autumn sun.

"Is it just me, or did it seem farther to walk this time?" gasped out the dark-haired ex-Turk.

"Definitely farther," Nanaki agreed with a gulp. "Mayhaps the crew moved it after fixing it. Because you know, that type of thing happens every day. Maybe there was an earthquake, and the ground split and in fear of falling in, they were forced to move the Highwind. But, then again, they should have moved it closer. I would have moved it in such a way, but no one ever accused them of being as smart as I-"

"Nanaki," interrupted Vincent with a clearing of his throat. "I think I get the point."

The red-haired lion wolf sighed and shut his mouth. At one point he had shed his costume. Sometimes the ex-Turk could be so non-communicative.

They made their way to the entrance of the airship and found to their surprise that Cid was already there, leaning against the wall of the open doorway to the cargo room. He seemed bored as his arms were crossed and his head lay back against the wall. Actually… it seemed more like he was sleeping.

Vincent and Nanaki watched with interested expressions as Cid snorted, smacked his lips, and slowly started to slip to the side, his back sliding along the wall.

The dark-haired man started forward as if to catch him, but Nanaki grabbed his pants leg. It would be far more amusing if he didn't.

Giggling, Nanaki sat back and watched. He and Vincent slowly crept forward. Cid started to mumble, another snore escaping from his mouth. Slowly the blond started to slide down the wall. Clothing swished quietly until… thunk!

"Damn!" Cid cursed, coming to a start as he lay on the ground. He wiped on his mouth with the back of his hand and wiped away the saliva that had drizzled there.

With a growl, and his giggles done, Vincent threw up his hands and crept towards the pilot, pouncing before Cid could do anything.

He landed on the pilot with an oof and straddled his body. Immediately, the gunman enveloped the blond in a searing, sensual kiss. He had been dreaming of doing such a thing for so long. Cid wrapped his arms around the dark-haired man wriggling on top of him and cupped his ass, squeezing gently.

"How the hell did you get here before us?" Nanaki questioned, interrupting their moment.

Vincent broke away from the kiss and turned to give Nanaki his most famous glare. The red-haired lion wolf shrunk back in fear, growing a few grey strands around his face before he knew what had happened. Vincent's glare was far more potent than the pilot's.

"Taxi… after I ran into Sephiroth," shrugged Cid. He looked up at Vincent and squeezed the gunman's ass again. The ex-Turk took the hint, and they resumed their making out. The fact that Cid had mentioned Sephiroth was a null and void idea because they were too busy with more important things.

Vincent slipped his tongue inside Cid's mouth as he moved his right arm to the hem of the pilot's shirt and started to creep beneath the fabric, running his fingers through the small line of hair that began at the hem line and continued upwards. He murmured a moan as he felt arousal shooting straight to his groin.

The sound of angry honking interrupted them yet again. The gunman was contemplating murder, while Cid was wondering just how much more he could take before he went Meteor on everyone's ass.

"Hey! Stop! Hey!" An easily recognized voice caused the two men to stop yet again.

Vincent and Cid looked up to find that Cloud was being thrown out of a taxi, face first. The spiky-headed man tasted dirt before he pushed himself up off the ground and shot the driver the bird.

The pale man driving the taxi spluttered and spun his tires, throwing more mud onto the fallen swordsman. "Cheap bastard!" cursed the taxi driver before he pulled off and headed back towards Wutai.

The two men shook their heads sadly and sighed heavily as they slowly got to their feet. If it weren't for that horrifically huge sword…

"What are you doing?" Nanaki questioned, regarding the swordsman with a raised eyebrow.

"I must," he paused to spit out some dirt as he rose shakily to his feet. "I must stop this farce before it begins!" Cloud declared loudly, raising one trembling hand to the air and pointing triumphantly.

"Not again," Cid mumbled with a sigh. "Will the madness never end?"

"The potion (spit) was mine! It was meant for Cid!" Cloud announced, brushing dirt off his clothes and straightening up his stance. "I have loved him from day one!"

The pilot threw his hand to his forehead and shook his head in despair. He sighed louder than before. Was getting the gunman to bed going to be that much of a difficulty!

"I think not!" Vincent asserted loudly. "I still haven't screwed him yet!"

"We should settle this like friends." Nanaki nodded, noticing the potential fight that was ensuing. Perhaps the friendship of years ago was only thinly veiled tension.

"I know of only one way to prove my love!" pronounced Cloud. He grinned at the other blond and licked his lips suggestively.

"This is ridiculous! I'm not sure I want it anymore," Cid wailed.

Vincent turned around and put his hands on his hips. He cocked an eyebrow and regarded the pilot with an air of disbelief. He scoffed. "Excuse me? Not want this?" He gestured towards his own body with a flourish and glared at Cid with a sexual intent.

The pilot's blue gaze was instantly captured by the bounty before him. Vincent might be wearing different garb than the usual black and red, but he looked hot nonetheless. The soldier's clothing clung to his lithe body in all the right places and accentuated the bulge at his groin that was slowly fading but was impressive nonetheless. His pale skin glowed in the light of the setting sun, and his hair shone as if it had just been brushed, the hat having long been lost. He was breathtaking, and Cid found he couldn't look away.

His own jeans suddenly felt tight, and his mouth began to water. Fuck that! He wanted Vincent! His hands itched to pounce.

The gunman smirked. "That's what I thought." He returned his attentions to the angry blond, who was still gazing hopefully at the pilot. "This is done. You are no longer wanted. Shoo!" Vincent said, waving his hands at Cloud as if he were an errant puppy.

"Of all the nerve!" Cloud huffed, putting his hands on his hips and pouting angrily. Vincent was not amused.

"C'mon Vincent," Cid urged, dancing from foot to foot. "Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!"

The gunman shrugged and turned away from Cloud. He and the pilot locked arms, and they began to head into the airship, Nanaki trotting after them. The swordsman was left gaping outside.

"W-wait?" Cloud protested lamely. They ignored him. The object of his affections was getting away! This couldn't be! He hadn't suffered through Tifa to give up now!

"Now, wait just a damn minute!" Cloud ordered, stomping his foot and drawing his sword. He glared as best he could at the two men as they turned to give him a look.

"He deserves someone who will love and cherish him. Give him all he wants, and only I am capable of doing that!" the swordsman announced proudly.

Vincent opened his mouth to speak when a strange rumbling stopped him.

The ground was shaking and in the distance… a plume of dust smoke was rising.

----

Tee hee... did anyone else find it funny? Feel free to leave a comment, I accept them all.


	9. This is my Rifle

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or its characters. I merely borrow them for my and your enjoyment.

Warnings: Language, Eventual Lemon, Yaoi action, general randomness

Feel free to send in a review.

**Chapter 9: This is My Rifle…**

The ground continued to tremble as the three men and lion wolf looked around them in surprise. What was going on? Was it an earthquake?

Off in the distance, the cloud of dust was getting closer. The ground began to shake more violently, Vincent grabbing onto the more solid pilot for support.

"What the hell?" Cloud questioned aloud, glancing about in astonishment.

The dust plume got closer and suddenly a shape began to take form… that of a man running as fast as his feet would carry him. Within seconds, the face was visible. It was Reeve.

"It's not legal yet! I signed nothing! It's not legal yet!" the dark-haired man screamed, dressed in nothing but his underwear. He plowed into the blond swordsman, knocking Cloud to the ground, but kept on going. Reeve spared the two men and Nanaki not a glance. He tore a rut in the ground with the force of his feet as he continued to yell the same phrases over and over, eyes wide with terror.

Nanaki started to bark excitedly, as if he were truly a canine. He took off after the fleeing ex-executive. "I just can't help myself!" called out the lion wolf as he followed Reeve, yipping as if the man were a postal carrier.

"Where does he think he's going?" Cid asked, wrinkling his brow. He watched as the lion wolf disappeared on the horizon with Reeve. "Wutai is an island."

"The ground is shaking and getting worse…" murmured Vincent quietly. "It almost feels like a-"

Cid's eyes widened perceptibly. "Stampede!" screamed the pilot suddenly. He dove into the cargo bay and pulled Vincent with him, out of the way.

The pummeled Cloud was left to his own devices.

Moments later a herd of rabid fangirls and boys went running by, screaming for Reeve to come back and that they only wanted to play. Cid could almost swear that he saw a red-head in the mix that looked remarkably like Reno. However, he wouldn't place money on that.

And running a few feet behind the rabid stampede was a gun-toting Elena. She was firing shots into the air, still trying to get the fanpeople to leave her newest husband alone. He hadn't been trained properly yet.

As the mob passed, the blond swordsman was left face down on the ground, settled in his own little Cloud-shaped hole. The herd had stampeded him into the soil. His body twitched slightly.

"Let's get the hell up out of here while we still can!" Cid declared, ignoring the fate of the blond swordsman. Vincent agreed.

"Screw the others! I've got a serious case of blue balls!"

"And I know just the cure." The pilot smirked with a meaningful lick of his lips.

Quickly, the two men ran inside the Highwind and closed the cargo bay before Cloud could even move. Within moments, the airship was in the air and heading for sights unknown.

A spiky head slowly lifted itself up from the dirt and spat out the dark brown soil. He was starting to get used to the earthy flavor. He watched with despair as the Highwind pulled away with the object of his wet dreams on board. All that planning for naught. Cloud sighed.

"Snooky-bear!" cooed a very familiar deep voice. It sent chills down his spine… chills of a Tifa-nature. Though it wasn't the dark-haired martial artist.

Frantically the swordsman started pawing at the ground. Perhaps if he dug hard and fast enough, he could get to the other side of the world. Where it was safe and stalker-free.

"My yellow snooky-bear, I finally found you!" Barret exclaimed with glee.

Cloud dug into the ground. Freedom… so beyond his grasp… There was no hope for him… he was doomed.

"DOOMED!" screamed the blond at the top of his voice. He shook his fists at the heavens convinced that all above was against him.

A low thud echoed throughout the empty corridors of the airship Highwind as Cid pushed Vincent up against a wall and devoured his mouth hungrily. The pilot thrust his tongue inside and bit at the gunman's lips, his body feeling hot as if he were burning. He pressed a thigh between that of the dark-haired man's and groaned as a hardness rubbed against his clothed limb.

Vincent was no less affected. He wrapped both arms around the pilot and pulled him as close as he was able. He ground his hips into Cid's and moaned at the pleasurable feelings that simple action sent through his body.

The pilot reached around and traced a heavy finger down the gunman's back and Vincent arched into his touch. They were moving at a feverish pace, anxious to relieve the aching tension within their bodies that had been building for quite some time.

"I want to take you right here," Cid moaned in between fierce kisses.

Vincent whimpered with his declaration, rubbed his groin harder on the shorter man's thigh and sighed with the wonderful friction. He longed to just give in and throw his legs up around the body of the well muscled man pressed up against him. However, the vulnerability of their position made him think twice. He didn't want any interruptions this time around.

"My room is closest," the gunman whispered in a seductive tone. His crimson eyes gleamed with sexual intent "I can fuck you there."

Cid paused in his ravishing and slowly started pulling Vincent with him towards the gunman's room. Just down this hallway and to the right and it should be right there… suddenly he stopped and the gunman crashed into him.

"Uh, nope," said the pilot, turning to face the dark-haired man and raising a hand. "I believe I will be doing the screwing, thank you very much."

Vincent laughed and patted the blond's head as he pushed past him and moved towards his door. "You are so funny, Cid."

The pilot started to follow after him but at a contemplative pace. "It wasn't a joke. I'm on top," insisted Cid.

"You see," said Vincent as he pulled out the key to his room and began to unlock the door. "That is where you are wrong. My room, my rules." He pushed open the door and gestured inside. Cid didn't move.

"Fine. Then we will go to my room," answered the pilot stubbornly shaking his head.

Vincent sighed with exasperation and reached out, grabbed the pilot's arm and pulled him inside before he said another word. The blond stumbled, and the gunman took the opportunity to shut the door and lean up against it. He crossed his arms and stretched seductively.

The gunman narrowed his gaze on the pilot and licked his lips slowly, teasingly, eyeing the blond with a hungry look. "I don't think I can wait that long," he murmured in a husky voice.

The sound went straight to Cid's groin, and he groaned with the effect it had on him. He made a decision and pounced. The door rattled as he pressed the gunman up against it and started divesting him of his clothes. He would play along for now…

Black slacks were pushed to the floor, black shoes kicked to the side. A scarf was thrown to the wind along with a dress shirt and gun holster.

"Oooh, yes, Cid," moaned the dark-haired man. "Harder! Harder!"

The pilot paused as he ran his hands up the smooth planes of the ex-Turk's chest. He cocked his head to the side and regarded the gunman with a bemused air. "I haven't even started yet…"

Vincent smiled. "I was practicing," he said, before he pushed the pilot away and leapt on top of him. They crashed to the floor with Vincent straddling his hips, wearing nothing save his crimson and black gun boxers.

The gunman eyed the delicious feast below him as he undid the metal clasps of his golden claw and took the weapon off. He had learned several months ago that the thing was detachable but having grown used to the weight, rarely took it off. His hand now free, the ex-Turk was ready to ravish the pilot.

With a grin, Vincent leaned forward and started nibbling on the pilot's neck as he began to pull his clothes off piece by piece. Cid was no less busy. One hand cupped the gunman's ass and massaged the globe of flesh while the other pinched an already peaked nipple. It had been far too long for the both of them.

Vincent laughed as he moved to pull off the pilot's blue and black airplane boxers. Each it seemed was a man of his career. Cid helped by trying to get off the gunman's boxers as well. After a confusion of limbs and tangle of clothing, the dark-haired man managed to kneel between the pilot's naked thighs. He marveled at the impressive arousal.

"Ooh, I'll bet this feels good going in," purred the dark-haired man.

"Why don't you climb on and see?" the Captain asked.

"All in good time," promised the gunman. "But you first, of course."

Vincent leaned forward and kissed a dark nipple, tasting that scent that he had come to recognize as belonging to the pilot alone. He could hear the pilot suck in a breath as a hand buried itself in his long, dark hair.

The gunman smiled as he began to work his way downwards, kissing and licking, occasionally leaving little marks along the way. His marks of possession as he liked to think of them as.

"You are just teasing me," moaned the pilot as he writhed against the gunman above him. He thrust his hips upward, seeking smooth, hot skin to rub his aching flesh against. He was successful.

Vincent lowered his head to Cid's groin and breathed a breath of hot air over the man. The pilot whimpered in response.

"Never let it be said that I can't please a man," the ex-Turk promised before he wrapped his lips around his prize..

"You're going to end this before it even starts," moaned the pilot finally.

Vincent released him and smacked his lips. "I suppose you are right. Come."

He stood up and offered a hand down to the pilot who accepted it gratefully. The blond was pulled up from the floor then pushed towards the bed. He collapsed onto it gratefully, surprised by the softness of the bed itself. Vincent moved towards his dresser and dug around in the top drawer until he found what he was looking for. Cid watched him curiously.

The gunman pulled out a small bottle and tossed it towards the pilot who caught it effortlessly.

"Bubblegum flavored?" the blond questioned with a raised eyebrow.

The gunman shrugged, his face flaming with embarrassment. That was the last scent that the store had. After all, he had procured the bottle around Valentine's Day. All the good flavors were gone.

Vincent began to make his way back towards the bed, stepping over and on top of clothes. His crimson eyes met that of Cid's and gleamed seductively. He grinned as he eyed the muscular figure of the pilot. He licked his lips with anticipation.

He moved forward fluidly, making every movement seductive. Suddenly, he stubbed his toe on something beneath him and he hissed with the pain, tripped over another odd object and crashed to the ground rather violently, the whole room giving a small shake.

"Vince?" asked Cid, peeking over the edge of the bed concerned.

The dark-haired man popped his head upwards. "I'm fine!" he declared getting to his feet. He frowned as he peered down at the floor and picked through the mess.

"Hm," he began. "I wonder how this got here?" Vincent held up the object that had tripped him.

"I thought you got rid of that years ago?" questioned Cid with another raised eyebrow.

Suddenly, the gunman grinned wildly. "Hey Cid," laughed Vincent. "Check this out!" He twirled the Death Penalty rifle in his hand as he began to march in cadence.

"This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fighting and this…" The gunman grabbed himself and hissed with the sensation. "This is for fun!" he giggled uncharacteristically and Cid couldn't help but join in the laughter.

Suddenly Vincent stopped giggling and his eyes flashed. He growled and pounced on top of the pilot. He had waited long enough.

FINALLY, GET IT ON! screamed Chaos in his head. The other demons started cheering as well. After all, Vincent's life was their only form of entertainment.

The gunman straddled Cid's legs and leaned forwards just enough to envelop the blond in another searing hot kiss. The pilot reached around with both arms and grasped the dark-haired man's ass. He squeezed the globes of flesh gently.

Vincent reached down and tweaked a peaked nipple even as he moved to suck on the pilot's neck, leaving yet another mark of owning.

"Vince…" moaned the pilot aloud. "It's been too long. Let's just fuck already. We can do the lovey dovey stuff later."

The dark-haired man chuckled as he pulled himself up and started to dig around in the sheets for the bottle of oil he had tossed there earlier. Finally, his fingers closed around the bottle and he snapped off the lid with one finger, pouring the sickly sweet-smelling oil into his hands before he put down the bottle, letting it slide down off the pilot's chest into the sheets.

Cid wrinkled up his nose. "Gods, Vin, that stuff reeks!"

Vincent shrugged. "It's either this or nothing. If you want nothing then I'm on top!"

The pilot grinned suddenly at this. That meant HE got to screw the gunman if he agreed to the pink confection of oil. "It's the sweetest smell in the world."

Vincent rolled his eyes and moved backwards just until he was in a good position. Vincent oiled up his hand and prepared Cid as the pilot oiled up a few fingers to prepare his lover.

"Enough," moaned the gunman. "I can't take anymore."

It had been so long for the two of them that they couldn't wait any longer. Cid was more than glad tha the could finally claim the gunman and the two rocked together in their own little world.

Neither of them noticed the ringing of their phones. Anything beyond the satiating of their desires was unimportant.

"Harder! Harder!" came a strangled moan.

I'm trying…" whined the response.

Minutes passed as heavy breathing echoed throughout the room.

Then a collection of twin gasps and they were both spent.

The gunman collapsed against the pilot's chest, breathing heavily. He felt extremely worn out. Beneath him he could hear the blond taking in heaving breaths, his body trembling silently.

"That…" managed Cid but didn't get very far before he fell silent.

"Yes," nodded Vincent. He couldn't say anything else either. His mind had been blown away. Perhaps he could get used to something like this… minus all the soap opera drama that was.

"That…"

"Yes."

"That was fucking…" Cid searched for the perfect word but couldn't find it. It was on the tip of his tongue but it wouldn't go any further.

"Amazing?" Vincent suggested.

"No."

"Spectacular?"

"No."

"Hmm… I know!" The gunman snapped his fingers. "Extraordinary!"

"Yes, I know I was," agreed Cid, smiling broadly.

The gunman rolled his eyes and struggled to push his weary body up from crushing the pilot. He only marginally succeeded. The dark-haired man looked down at the grinning blond and suddenly got an evil idea. Cid seemed exactly the type too…

"And modest too," smirked the gunman as he brought up his hands and wiggled his fingers.

Cid's eyes widened with fear. "No, Vinny! Don't!" he pleaded.

Vincent smirked evilly. He cackled. "Mwahaha! You deserve it!" And with that he attacked. He dug his fingers into the pilot's side and started to tickle him.

Cid started to writhe about rather enticingly below him, laughing all the while. He squirmed trying to get away as his face turned red with the exertion. He seemed he was quite ticklish.

The gunman viciously attacked, going for the sides until he had the pilot gasping for breath and begging for mercy.

The sound of a phone ringing disturbed the tickling session and both men glared at their floor where a PHS was ringing and blinking with bright lights.

"I think that one is yours," groaned Vincent as he recognized the tune of 'I Believe I Can Fly.' It was Cid's theme song.

"Ignore it," the pilot said, waving his hand in dismissal.

The gunman shrugged but suddenly found himself having grown tired of the tickle game. Screwing Cid's brains out was going to have to wait until he took a nap. Vincent believed honestly in just rewards. He moved to lay next to the pilot, his body screaming only slightly in protest. He hadn't had such a good workout in a long while.

Just as soon as the voice mail picked up on Cid's PHS, Vincent's phone began to ring as well. He could recognize the tone anywhere because it was a famous Papa Roach song, 'Scars.'

He sighed heavily and attempted to ignore it. To be honest, it was one of the first times the damn thing had rung since he procured the hated object a few months ago. The first time had been Tifa calling to invite him to a party that he had seriously debated skipping.

"Eh, shouldn't you answer that?" asked the pilot, nudging an elbow into the ex-Turk's side.

"Just as soon as you answer yours," grumbled the dark-haired man as he snuggled into the covers. The ring-tone continued insistently.

"Do you not have voice mail?" questioned Cid, nudging him again.

Vincent didn't answer.

"Vin? Hello? Voicemail?" asked the pilot, the sound refusing to stop as the phone's antenna blinked in bright red colors. Figures.

He received a snore in response. The pilot looked over incredulously to find that the gunman had fallen asleep!

Cid huffed and threw himself off of the bed, padding over to where the phone still rang innocently. He grabbed it and flipped it open.

"Yeah?" he demanded rudely and rather gruffly.

"Hello?" came a sweet and innocent voice. "Do not hang up. This is an important sales call from…" there was a pause and the sound of papers rustling. "…From The National Bureau of Tax Affairs. We are trying to reach one Vincent Valentine. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you shor-" Cid slammed the phone shut and threw it on the floor.

With a loud curse he crawled back in bed beside the oblivious gunman. The dark-headed man slept like a rock! Cid relaxed into the comfortable bed and found himself yawning. Yes, a nap would do just fine now.

"And my scars remind us… that the past is real… I tear my heart open… just to feel…"

That damn phone!

And did the ex-Turk move?

No. That would make too much sense.

Cid sighed as he reached down and picked up an object from the floor. One that the gunman had discarded earlier.

"I'm weak and I'm feeling down… I just want to be alone… I'm pissed cause you came around… Why don't you just go-"

Bang!

"This is my rifle," chuckled Cid as he dropped the Death Penalty to the floor. He snuggled next to the unmoving gunman and quickly dropped off into sleep, convinced that no more would Papa Roach be disturbing his slumber.

----

LOL, this is like my favorite chapter because it is so funny.

So, questions? comments? concerns? feel free to address them in the review box?

Oh, and let me know if I am being too explicit or not explicit enough. I don't want to get my story kicked off you know.


	10. Tit for Tat

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or its characters. I merely borrow them for my and your enjoyment.

Warnings: Language, Eventual Lime, Yaoi action, general randomness

Feel free to send in a review.

**Chapter 10: Tit for Tat**

Crimson eyes opened very slowly to a bright sun gleaming in from the nearby window. They blinked once or twice before they were accompanied by an open mouthed yawn.

Vincent turned over and smiled when he saw the snoring blond still sleeping next to him. Cid was lying on his stomach with his arms all thrown out in odd directions. The blond was so cute when he was quiet.

Suddenly, the gunman smirked. He could already feel himself getting aroused by looking at the naked body of the pilot. It was time for his just rewards…

He reached over and placed a hand on Cid's back, rubbing his fingers over the smooth, warm skin. The pilot didn't make a sound.

Vincent grinned lecherously as he sat up and pulled the sheets off of the blond's body, revealing miles of tanned, well-muscled skin. It was utterly enticing. He straddled the pilot's body without any of his skin touching him and reached forward, running his hands along the planes of smooth muscle. Mm, Cid felt soft beneath him.

Vincent pulled back and braced himself on the bed before leaning forwards to breathe hot air on the blond's ear. Cid shivered but did not waken. The gunman smiled as he licked on the pilot's neck, nibbling over a mark he had already made. The body beneath him shuddered slightly.

The gunman smiled as he began to nibble and lick his way down Cid's spine. He could smell the pilot's scent, and it only served to arouse him further. He could feel his flesh rising and filling at the thought of burying himself deep inside the pilot. He couldn't wait.

Vincent dug into the covers, searching for the discarded bottle of sweet-smelling lube from the night before. He could hear Cid starting to awaken and knew just what would wake the man right up.

He moved back and sat between the pilot's legs, pushing them slowly outwards so that he could fit easily. The blond was such a deep sleeper. Vincent placed his hands on the round globes of flesh and kneaded gently. He received a low and quiet moan in response.

Lecherous thoughts entered the gunman's mind as a plan began to form. He caressed the soft flesh before him, gently pinching with his fingers. There was another moan that had gained in volume as Cid's body shifted slightly beneath him.

The gunman smiled and ran his fingers once more, in a slow caressing fashion.

"Vince…" groaned the pilot as he looked over his shoulder. Another swipe of gun-calloused fingers and Cid moaned, clutching at the sheets.

"Tit for tat, Captain," answered Vincent simply.

"You aren't going to hear me complaining," Cid returned. He could feel the tendrils of arousal coiling within him at the thought of what was to come.

**XXX Because I'm so Lazy XXXXX Edited for Content XXXXX Mature audiences refer to homepage for unedited version XXXX Censored**

The two men panted wildly as they crashed to the bed, worn out from that intense session.

"That (pant) you (pant) I (pant)…" Cid couldn't complete his sentence.

"Ever the articulate one, aren't you?" questioned Vincent with a grin.

The blond rolled his eyes at the gunman as he waited for his erratically beating heart to still.

"Don't worry," assured the dark-haired man. "You were quite satisfactory."

Blue eyes bulged as Cid sat up so fast his head swam. "Satisfactory? That's all you have to say?" He glared at the gunman, supposedly with angry intent.

Vincent just sighed. "Damn. Can't take a joke," he muttered underneath his breath. He reached out and traced a finger over one of the marks that he had made on the blond's collar bone. "I was just kidding."

Cid crossed his arms and harrumphed. "Bite my ass, Valentine."

The gunman smirked. "I believe I already have."

The pilot shook his head at the immodest gunman and lay back down on the bed, stretching languorously. "Nothing like a night in the sack and a morning wake up call to make the day bright and shining." He grinned with a satisfied look on his face.

Vincent smirked and rolled over, propping his head up on his hands. He trailed a lazy finger over one of Cid's nipples, already feeling himself ready for another round. There was something about the pilot that made him feel insatiable.

Cid cocked an eyebrow. "Already?"

"What can I say?" shrugged the dark-haired man. "You're the best fuck I've ever had."

"Oh, such sweet and romantic words," snorted the pilot sarcastically. "I think I've fallen in love." But his desire was already rising with the dark-haired man's suggestion. There were so many things he had yet to do with the ex-Turk and given the man's penchant for biting there was probably more he wouldn't mind doing. The blond couldn't help but wonder exactly how much fun he could have with a pair of handcuffs.

"Don't be ridiculous," scoffed the gunman. "I know I'm good but seriously, Cid, we've only just met, and I don't know if I'm ready for such a serious relationship."

The pilot looked incredulously at the dark-haired man then shook his head when he realized that Vincent was only kidding. "I never took you for a joker, Valentine."

"There are many things you don't know about me," promised Vincent, a sexy husk taking over the sound of his voice. He traced circles over the tanned chest and leaned in for a deep and aggressive kiss. The gunman pushed his tongue inside the pilot's mouth and claimed him hungrily. Cid was more than happy to participate.

After a moment, the gunman pulled back and allowed the pilot to breathe.

"I think I'll stick around to find out," grinned the blond once he was able to think straight. "I'm sensing the beginning of a… beneficial relationship."

Vincent nodded and laughed as he slid out of bed. He moved to cross the floor when he tripped over something again. However, this time he caught himself before he fell. Frowning, the gunman kneeled down to see what it was.

"Hey Cid," he began as he lifted up the mangled object. "What happened to my phone?"

THE END

Imagine the following scrolling from the bottom of your screen slowly and carefully as the following songs play in succession:

"Sugar, We're Going Down" Fall Out Boys

"Going Under" Evanescence

"Batman Theme Song" Danny Elfman

cAST oF cHARACTERs

Vincent Valentine – Dracoqueen22

Cid Highwind – Dracoqueen22

Cloud Strife – Dracoqueen22

Tifa Lockhart – herself

Nanaki aka Red XIII – Azar Darkstar

Yuffie Kisaragi – Azar Darkstar

Elena – Dracoqueen22

Reno – himself

Reeve Tuesti – Azar Darkstar

Rude - himself

sPECIAL aPPEARANCES bY:

Godo Kisaragi

Zack

chibi Sephiroth

the Temple Master

Written by:

Dracoqueen22

Directed by:

Azar Darkstar

Produced by:

Dracoqueen22 and Azar Darkstar

Costumes provided by:

Sears

JC Penney

Dillard's

Hot Topic

Music arranged by:

Dracoqueen22

and Provided by:

Evanescence

Fall Out Boys

Papa Roach

R. Kelly

Danny Elfman

Special thanks to my beta Azar Darkstar and all of my

lovely reviewers

"Cut!" yelled the director. The sound was accompanied by a fierce whistle. "Okay, people, that's a wrap! Cut and print, we are done."

The man controlling the camera's nodded and suddenly the set was a flurry of activity as the scenery was rolled away and film scenes were rushed to the editing office. There was still a lot of work to do before the movie was ready.

"Why the hell did my phone ring in the middle of the shoot!" Cid screamed suddenly as he moved to dress now that the scene was over.

Vincent frowned. "I thought the plan was that mine would ring only and not Cid's?" He reached down and grabbed his pants, pulling them on so that the others would stop ogling him.

The director, a balding older man, shrugged. "Draco changed her mind at the last minute. But good job on improvising, you two did a bang up job."

Cid shook his head in dismay and picked up his phone, checking to see the return number on the screen for the missed call. He frowned when he realized it was a number he didn't recognize.

"Who was it?" asked Vincent, draping his half-dressed body over that of his lover. He peered at the display over Cid's shoulder but couldn't make out the number.

"I don't know." The blue-eyed man sighed. He redialed the number and waited patiently for someone to pick up.

"Hello?" said a distinctly feminine voice that answered on the third ring.

"Yeah, someone trying to reach Highwind?" demanded Cid, slipping back into his hometown voice.

"Cid! I can't believe you didn't recognize my voice!" Yuffie squealed excitedly.

The pilot sighed as Vincent rolled his eyes and started to dig for his clothes again, trying to claim something before the set runners took it all away. He managed to snag a shirt for Cid as well.

Wordlessly he handed it to the blond as he threw his over his head.

"What do you want, brat? I just finished pulling an all-nighter, and I need my beauty sleep," growled the blond, attempting to pull on his shirt while still talking on the phone.

"Great scene, man!" a camera man said as he hurried past Cid and clapped a hand on the blond's shoulder. Cid hardly gave him a second glance as he struggled to pay attention to Yuffie's babble.

"We're all getting together at the Crescent tonight to celebrate. You comin'?" she questioned hyperactively. Twenty years old and the female still acted like a child at times.

Cid looked over at Vincent with a question on his lips. The gunman cocked his head to the side.

"What?" he asked aloud.

"Party, tonight, you in?" asked Cid.

The dark-haired man shrugged. "Who's buying?"

"Yo, brat! Who's dishing out the dough?" demanded Cid roughly, trying to find his shoes in the rapidly clearing set. He looked up to see Vincent plaintively holding them out to him. He snatched the boots from the dark-haired man's hands and yanked them on.

"Cloud said it is his treat, so long as we don't eat him out of his house in Costa or even the one in Wutai. Sephiroth says he might pitch in. Come on, Cid," whined the ninja, her voice reaching screeching potential. "It won't be the same without you or Mr. Block of ice."

"Alright, brat," mumbled Cid. "We'll be there." He grimaced as he pulled the phone away from his ear to stop the squeal of girlish happiness.

"That's great, I will tell everyone then. See you later, Ciddy," exclaimed Yuffie happily. She promptly hung up the phone, not giving the blond another chance to say anything else.

Cid shook his head and put away his phone and started to disentangle himself from the mess he had made of trying to put on his shirt one handed. Vincent gave an exasperated sigh and started to help out his lover. He could be such a klutz at times.

"You are so hot, baby," Vincent murmured, suddenly breathing hot on the blond's neck. "Even if you were just acting." He helped Cid finish putting on his shirt but couldn't help running his hands under the fabric and feeling up the smooth, hot skin.

"With you, I never even have to worry about acting," responded the blond as he moaned slightly, leaning backwards into the enticing touch.

"Ah, you're so sweet," cooed the dark-haired man as his hand snaked upwards and pinched a nipple. "Too bad we don't have time for that here." With that spoken, he removed his hand and patted the bulge at Cid's groin lovingly. He danced out of the pilot's angry grasp. "Remind me and I'll take care of that later."

"You are such a tease," growled the pilot, but he wasn't angry. "Come on, party up at Crescent's tonight for everyone."

Vincent opened his mouth to reply but was distracted by the sound of excited barking and the scrabbling of nailed toes on the hardwood floor.

"Oh no…" groaned Cid.

Vincent's eyes widened, a big smile breaking out on his face before a large black shape hurtled out of nowhere and crashed into him, pushing him to the floor. The dark dog began to lick at his face, wagging his tail excitedly.

"Hades," giggled the dark-haired man. "Who let you out?"

"Damn mutt," growled Cid, pulling on the dog's collar and trying to get the huge canine off of his lover. He and Vincent had adopted 'Hades' a year ago and the beast still thought he was a small puppy.

Vincent scrunched up his face, trying to avoid the dog breath and tongue that was invading his senses. Cid managed to pull Hades away from the gunman and allowed him some breathing room.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Valentine. I opened the door to put in some flowers that had been sent for you and he escaped," gasped out a runner, one of many that worked on the sets.

"It's fine, Nique," said Vincent waving his hand at the runner so that he would leave. He kneeled down and started petting his pet, cooing at the animal in a ridiculous tone.

Cid rolled his eyes. Seems someone else thought the large beast was still a puppy as well.

"You are so cute," the blond mumbled, ruffling his lover's hair.

"That's why you love me," murmured Vincent in return.

Cid laughed. "Too true. Now come on and quit playing with your mutt. I want to shower before we head over to Crescent's."

"Can I play with you instead?" questioned Vincent with a raise of his eyebrow as he stood to his feet.

"I'll think about it," the blond joked as he started walking off of the set and headed towards their trailers where Hades had been locked before.

"Aw Cid," Vincent began to whine. "Come on, I need some nookie." Hades trotted along after the two men.

Their voices faded as they went to shower and meet their friends for a celebratory beer.

----

Heh, quite the twist. But don't worry. There's one more chapter. Feel free to leave a comment, I thoroughly enjoy them.

Indeed, it is because of reviewers that I work so hard.


	11. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or its characters. I merely borrow them for my and your enjoyment.

Warnings: Language, Eventual Lemon, Yaoi action, general randomness

Feel free to send in a review.

**Chapter 11: Epilogue**

The entire cast of 'A Fate Worse than Death', sat at a large table in the bar at Costa del Sol. The table was littered with abandoned baskets of fries and burgers as well as empty mugs of what was once beer. Some of the men were tossing down shots of their chosen liquor while some of the girls were giggling amongst each other.

"So what are we going to do now?" Barret asked, a bit drowsily. The dark-skinned man had inhaled nearly eight mugs of the heady Nibelheim ale and his mind was spinning.

Cloud shrugged. "Whatever the hell Draco comes up with. That girl is insane, no doubt."

"Hey!" argued Cid indignantly. "You were the one that nearly destroyed the whole world because you couldn't make it into SOLDIER. You're one to talk." He tossed back his third shot of his favorite drink, scotch, and grinned lecherously at his long time boyfriend and lover, Vincent.

"You know," Tifa spat out. Her face was red as she giggled and draped herself on her husband of three years, Rude. "I nearly died when you confessed your love for Yuffie. That writer is some- ulp… something else." The dark man wearing sunglasses wrapped his arms around his women and grinned largely.

"I should have had a bigger part," Sephiroth grumbled. He gulped down his margarita and grabbed Cloud, dragging his newest conquest to his side.

"I was acting!" replied the blond indignantly, still referring to the comment Cid had made. "That movie was a big hit you know. I wonder if AFWTD will be just as popular."

"With me as its star, I wouldn't doubt," said Vincent flatly, peering at the others over the rim of his Wutai Island Iced Tea.

"But you were such a cute chibi," smirked Reno in reference to Sephiroth's early utterance. He received a growl and scowl in return but the red-head was unperturbed.

"You are so fucking hot, baby," cooed Cid. He turned and attacked the dark-haired man, pulling his lover into a wet and heavy kiss.

"Oh, gods, are you two part rabbit?" asked Elena with a shake of her head. "Honestly, you never stop."

"You just don't like it because it turns you on," leered Reno, nudging the blond Turk with his shoulder. "To see two hot guys kissing each other and going at it like bunnies, yo. It's a sexy thing." He wiggled his eyebrows as he leaned back into his lover's arms, that of the stoic and quiet Tseng, who unfortunately did not make an appearance in the newest movie.

"Honestly, I had to stay in Midgar with Rufus… I'm an A-list star," mumbled the Wutaiian Turk as he gulped down another shot of whiskey. He was far past the stopping point. He hardly noticed the warmth and weight of the red head.

"Easy enough for you to argue," Aeris retorted. "I died in the first one and was nothing more than a memory in AFWTD. I made the least of all." She glared at everyone as she was dressed in a pair of baggy sweatpants and a loose grey shirt.

"But you were a rallying cry," Yuffie insisted gamely. "We all revenged your death."

"I entirely agree," Nanaki remarked in a pompous tone as he sat on a chair next to the dark-haired younger woman. The ninja reached down and ruffled his now brown fur, the dye having been washed out. An orange furred creature was far more interesting than one that was plain brown.

"I have to hand it to the writer though," Reeve remarked, nodding his head. He sipped at his drink as the others waited patiently for him to finish what he was going to say. "She is quite brilliant."

"Right." Cid snorted. "In only a crazy and deranged sort of way."

"Do not mock those who are insane," insisted Vincent. He raised an eyebrow at the pilot. "It might come back to bite you in the ass." The dark-haired man bared his teeth at the pilot, revealing the slightly fanged front canines.

"I still don't understand what was so bad about marrying me." Yuffie snorted indignantly. She pointed her nose in the air and sniffed. "I'm not so bad."

"Right," defied Reno. "If someone wanted to spend their lives in hell."

"Why you-" Yuffie made as if to jump at the Turk, but Cloud simply grabbed the back of her shirt and yanked on it, forcing the smaller girl to topple backwards into her seat. She plopped down with a dissatisfied huzzah and picked up her drink.

"I can't believe I had to pretend to be het…" Reeve murmured with a wrinkling of his nose.

"Hadn't you already bitten my ass?" Cid questioned under his breath, glancing suggestively at his lover. He was still referring to their conversation of a few sentences ago.

"I knew it!" Tifa exclaimed triumphantly, jumping to her feet and waving her mug happily. She swayed as she stood. She had apparently had enough alcohol. "I knew you were gay, Reeve Tuesti."

"He came out last Christmas, dumbass!" retorted Elena with roll of her eyes. The sad thing about Tifa's role in both storylines was that it wasn't an act. She really was an airhead.

"Remember sweetie," Rude commented as he helped Tifa sit down. "He told everyone that he had a crush on Rufus, was it?" he asked the dark-haired man and received a nod in return. "Right, Rufus before he passed out drunk from the Gongaga Tequila."

"That man sure knows how to act," Barret responded with a shudder. "Even I thought he was truly a cold and calculating bastard."

"That's cause he is," insisted Aeris with a snort. "Try dating him for once."

"Have you read that new fanfiction that came out about us? It was a really long one, and had a good plot line too," Shera said suddenly, changing the subject and inserting herself into the conversation.

"Is Rufus gay or what?" questioned Elena, looking pointedly at Reno.

"Gods," Yuffie laughed. "I love reading those things. Those fans have some things so terribly WRONG! Seriously, me in love with Vincent of all people!"

"No," Reeve mumbled glumly. "Alas the trials of my heart, it shall remain forever broken…" He sighed dramatically and flopped his head on the table.

"Hey!" retorted Vincent indignantly. "There is nothing wrong with me."

"Sorry sweets," Yuffie answered with a smile. "You're just not my type."

"It's okay, 'kitty'," mocked Reno, repeating the nickname that Yuffie had given to the dark-haired man. "If Seng-Seng says its okay, you can join us for a night, yo." (Wahoo! Three men, what more can we ask for?)

"Anyways," Shera continued, shooting the two arguing friends a glare. "It was a really lovely story with an alternate ending and a sequel that hasn't come out yet. I can't really remember the title of it… Ice something or other."

"Really?" Reeve looked up hopefully. His amber eyes shone with the idea and suddenly dirty thoughts invaded his mind. He blushed furiously.

"You know," Barret commented to know one in particular. "It is becoming increasingly difficult to follow along with anyone's conversation." He shrugged when no one said anything and took another huge gulp of his alcohol.

"Oh!" Sephiroth said suddenly. "I think I remember that one now. It was called Shattered Ice."

"Really?" questioned Cid leaning forward. "What was it about?"

"Amazingly enough it was about you and Vincent being together," answered Shera. "I liked it."

"Did we have lots of sex?" Vincent asked, trying to hide the interested tone to his voice.

It was Sephiroth who answered this time. "It was adequate as I remember. Then you died in the end."

"What!" both Vincent and Cid exclaimed in the same shocked moment.

"I… I died… again?" the dark-haired man questioned, his crimson eyes wide. He had grown quite fond of the contacts and rarely took them out.

Sephiroth scoffed. "Don't feel so bad. I died, too."

"Yeah… it was quite sad and touching too. Then afterwards Reno proposed to Reeve. That was so sweet," Shera gushed.

"But you always die," Nanaki pointed out. "That hardly ever changes."

"True." The silver-haired nodded man smugly. "But more often than not I always come back to life. I am just too hot for my own good, aren't I, Cloud?" He nuzzled his lover's neck with his nose as his hand crept below the table and beneath prying eyes.

"I have got to read this now!" exclaimed Yuffie. It sounded so interesting.

"I … died. But I never die. I'm too hot to die," Vincent murmured quietly, tone still disbelieving.

"I have a feeling that it isn't the end of you though," Sephiroth responded. "I am also eagerly awaiting the sequel. Perhaps I should write my own fanfiction then."

"Right." Reno snorted. "You could call it 'The Truth about Sephiroth: I'm not that bad'."

There was a general chorus of laughter from everyone present at the table. They giggled until their sides ached. Then finally the table fell silent as they returned to their drinks.

"Still," began Cid finally. "It was a fun ride, and I can't wait for the next one."

"Hear, hear," Cloud announced bringing up his glass.

The others nodded in agreement as they raised their drinks and cheered to yet another successful movie. They drank and then lowered their glasses in tandem, the heavy glass striking the table all in the same moment.

Then Reeve picked up his again and lowered it to the table, repeating the action over and over again, forming a steady beat.

Yuffie began to laugh slightly but pulled out one of her throwing stars, tapping it on the table to a much faster staccato.

Cid palmed the heavy glass on the table and began to push it from hand to hand, sliding it over the plane of the wood. It made a sliding sound as he continued the action.

The three sounds began to join, forming a rhythm that couldn't be ignored.

Rude leapt forward and grabbed one of the empty food baskets. He turned it over and began beating on the bottom of it with his hands, a makeshift drum.

Vincent and Reno began to hum in tune as Elena and Tifa got up and started to dance in jerky movements that mimicked the dance floor.

In the kitchen, the sound of clanging pots and pans was a welcome flashback.

Suddenly music started to play out of nowhere as the entire cast of Final Fantasy VII and A Fate Worse Than Death began to sing and dance a familiar tune.

(Vitamin C: Graduation)

_So we talked all night_

_about the rest of our lives_

_where we're going to be_

_when we turn twenty-five._

Tseng and Sephiroth turned to each other, singing along as they chinged their glasses together and congratulated themselves on a job well done.

Cloud grabbed the silver haired man's head and enveloped him in a sloppy kiss even as he moved to dance to the music.

Yuffie grabbed the table cloth and gave it a yank, effectively clearing off the cluttered table for more important things.

Within seconds, she, Tifa, and Elena had climbed up on top to sing with their pretend microphones and shake their asses.

_I keep thinking times will never change_

_keep on thinking things will always be the same_

_ooh, when we leave this year_

_we won't be coming back_

Rude started to snap his fingers as he joined along, his deep baritone making the whole entire musical sound more full and bodied. His head bopped from side to side as his sunglasses slid up and down his face.

A waiter appeared out of nowhere and gaped at the huge mess on the floor. He paled when he realized it would be him who would have to clean it up, and he wondered if he would even get a good tip.

Before he had a chance to ponder further; however, Reno chased him away, Electro Rod blazing as he sang at the top of his lungs. Except the red-head had the annoying habit of adding 'yo' at the end of every other phrase.

_No more hanging out cause we're on a different track_

_and if you got something that you need to say_

_you better say it right now_

_cause you won't have another day_

Cid pulled out his spear from nowhere and jammed it into the wooden floor. Miraculously it stuck and became a sort of pole. Without further adieu, he began to pole dance as a few gil miraculously appeared in his pants pockets.

Vincent appeared at his lover's side, a bit embarrassed and tried to coax the blond down. After all, they may have had sex on screen for a movie, but that didn't mean he would allow his lover to be on display.

Cid just grinned and threw himself on top of the gunman. The two fell to the ground and disappeared under a table.

"Ewww, gum," was the only sound that was heard.

_As we're moving on, we can't slow down_

_these memories are playing like a film without sound_

_And I keep thinking of that night in June_

_I didn't know much of love but it came too soon_

Slowly, the Crescent bar began to empty out of its patrons, leaving only the singing cast and the strange music in their wake.

Reeve got up on the table with the dancing females and attempted to copy their movements. He wiggled his hips and shook his ass. He thrust his chest forward and shook what he didn't have. (Although what he DID have was impressive nonetheless. Don't forget the tighty whities.)

Tseng couldn't help but point and laugh. Reeve looked entirely ridiculous. But that's what happens when music starts playing for no reason around a group of drunk and contemplative friends.

_And there was me and you_

_and when it got real good_

_stay at home talking on the telephone_

_And we would get so excited and_

_we would get so scared_

_laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair_

_and this is how it feels_

There was a loud yelp and suddenly Vincent appeared out from under the table, half-dressed as Cid came chasing after him, arms outstretched as if reaching. The dark-haired man had a big smile on his face as he laughed and ran around the bar, allowing the blond to chase him.

Tifa leapt down from the table and onto Rude's shoulders. He barely grunted underneath her weight and easily supported her on his broad muscles. She grinned as she gripped his bald head and started bouncing from side to side. He held onto her legs and began to spin in slow circles.

Aeris was laughing as she shook two small bottles filled with beans to imitate maracas. Nanaki was running around her in circles, occasionally barking out excitedly.

_As we go on_

_we remember_

_all the times_

_we've had together._

_As our lives change,_

_come whatever,_

_we will still be friends forever_

Barret still sat at the table, sourly drinking his ale. His friends were making fools of themselves as usual, and no way was he going to join in the inanity. Last time he had… well, that wasn't important anyways. All that mattered was this time, Mr. Wallace was going to watch and have blackmail for later.

Tseng wandered into the path of the running dark-haired man and promptly tripped Vincent who fell flat on his face. Within seconds Cid had caught up to his prey as Tseng snickered into his hands.

The blond jumped onto his lover and glomped him appreciatively. Vincent pretended to put up a fight as he scrunched his face up and attempted to ward off the blond with his hands. In the end, he just gave up and wrapped his arms around Cid, grabbing the tight ass.

_So if you get the big jobs and we make the big money_

_when we look back now will the jokes still be funny?_

_And will we still remember everything we learned in school_

_still be trying to break every single rule_

Elena jumped down from the table and held her arms out at perpendicular angles from her body. She began to spin in circles to the beat of the song, a large smile on her face.

"I used to love doing this as a kid!" she exclaimed.

Tseng appeared out of nowhere and pushed her over, snickering like a big bully as she tripped on her own feet, stumbled for a moment before crumpling to the floor. The Wutaiian snickered gamely and moved on to his next target, the drinking and non-participating Barret.

Reeve and Yuffie continued to dance on top of the table, entertaining the few regulars of the Crescent that were not members of the cast. A few men and even women began to whoop and holler, excited by the amusement.

_We'll even be break it down with a stockbroker man_

_we'll find a job that won't interfere with our tan_

_I keep thinking that it's not goodbye_

_I keep on thinking that it's a time to fly_

_And this is how it feels_

Sephiroth grabbed Cloud and the two men started to break dance on the floor, twisting and turning as they flipped and flopped. The silver-haired man did the worm, and the blond was moon-walking before they knew what was going on.

Tseng wandered by and threw a bucket of water on the two men just for the hell of it. He pointed and laughed yet again as he beheld the spectacle. There was just something amusing in being the perpetual prankster.

Nanaki leapt up on his hind legs and started jumping back and forth, moving his forelimbs in the air in some semblance of a dance. His tail wagged excitedly, and he was grinning from ear to ear as he joined in the singing.

_As we go on_

_we remember_

_all the times_

_we've had together._

_As our lives change,_

_come whatever,_

_we will still be friends forever_

"Oooh, threesome," Reno grinned, suddenly jumping into the fray of Cid and Vincent. There was a yelp, and the red-head leapt out just as quickly. The gunman had grabbed and squeezed, and the Turk was forced to evacuate before he lost what was most important to him.

Rude snaked out a hand and grabbed the shirt tails of his partner. Reno came to an abrupt stop and slid in some ketchup that had fallen on the floor. His blue eyes widened as he started to move forward without intention and crashed into Tseng.

The dark-haired Turk crashed the floor, face first into a key lime pie that hadn't been eaten by the massive group of people.

There was a general roar of laughter as the prankster ended up with pie on his face. He looked up, whipped cream covering his features and spat out some of the lime green pie.

"Mmm, I love Key Lime Pie," murmured Reno laughing as he leaned over his lover and started to lick off the dessert confection. It was both sweet and sour to him.

_La, La, La, La, La, La, La_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah_

_La, La, La, La, La, La, La_

_We will still be friends forever_

_Will I think about tomorrow like I think about now_

_Can we survive it out there_

_can we make it somehow?_

Aeris continued to sing as loud as she could. For such a small body, she had a big mouth and her voice almost overpowered everyone else's. Her maraca's made noises until Barret threw a bottle at her and knocked them from her hands. The musical instruments rolled underneath a table and disappeared into the third dimension, never to be found again.

Vincent and Cid finally managed to pull themselves up from the floor as they started to spin in each other in some semblance to the waltz. Or at least that was what they called it.

Yuffie and Reeve climbed down from the table and started playing leap frog.

Everyone continued to sing, loving every moment they spent with their friends. That was why their movies were so good. They were the biggest group of best actor and actress friends on all of Planet. (What the hell was the name of their planet anyways?)

Tseng and Reno managed to push themselves up from the floor, the Wutaiian's face picked clean by the red-head's tongue.

_I guess I thought that this will never end_

_and suddenly it's like we're women and men_

_will the past be a shadow that will follow us round_

_will these memories fade when I leave this town._

_I keep thinking that it's not goodbye_

_I keep on thinking that it's time to fly_

Vincent put his arm around Cid's shoulder and Cloud's, linking the three together. The men shared a smile and continued singing as Reeve appeared on Cid's left and Reno on Cloud's right. They joined the hugging men and slung their arms on shoulders.

Tseng made his way to his lover's side and wrapped his arms around the man from behind. He apparently didn't want to share his shoulder with anyone, but that was okay because he still swayed to the song, grinding his hips into Reno's in the same rhythm. Naughty Tseng.

Yuffie tried to wiggle her way between Cid and Vincent but neither men was having that. Vincent cast her the look of death at the same moment that the pilot bopped her on the head. The ninja meekly made her way to Reno's side and wrapped her arm around the taller red head's shoulder.

_As we go on_

_we remember_

_all the times_

_we've had together._

_As our lives change,_

_come whatever,_

_we will still be friends forever_

Sephiroth came and inserted himself between the lecherous Reno and his own lover Cloud. There was an uncharacteristic smile on his face as he jokingly grabbed the blond's ass before joining in the shoulder sharing session.

Shera snaked her way to the Cid's side and joined him, easily merging with the sway as Tifa appeared next to her, dragging Rude along. They begin to form a half or three-quarters circle of sorts. All that remained were Aeris, Nanaki, Barret, and whoever else was there.

The remaining friends inserted themselves into the circle of love and suddenly it was finished. As they continued to sing the chorus over and over they began to sway to the rhythm.

Smiles were shared, kisses were exchanged, asses were grabbed, and it was a general happy time.

Tomorrow was a new day and a new adventure… but today was for memories and boy did they have many.

I can only imagine.

- - -

And that's the end of it folks. Well it was great doing business with you. If you enjoyed this fic, check out some of my others, particularly my other CidxVincent fic. It's a bit more serious but decidedly better plot-wise and such. Thanks everyone for your wonderful reviews!


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